My spouse and youngest son both are 2e, so I feel lucky in some ways to have had a "cheat sheet" for my son by being able to draw for my spouse's own experiences when making decisions about what to do.
To me, the challenge for 2e kids' self-esteem seems to lie in the discrepancy between concepts coming easy yet still struggling with basic things like writing, reading, and even riding a bike or tying shoes. It's frustrating to watch their peers quickly write something or memorize math facts that seem beyond reach for themselves.
Things I learned from my husband that have helped me with our son (and it is NOT a one time thing; moving to mid school has meant we are having to start all over again with him feeling dumb again as his peers adapt to the new, faster pace and he has struggled with organization and keeping up with more busy work).
1. Make sure you are subtly and continually presenting the idea to him that for about 5% of the people in the world, their brains function differently - giving them some advantages and some challenges in the process. People with dyslexia tend to be able to view ideas globally or in 3-D, giving them a real advantage in some types of problem solving and in thinking outside of the box. There are a ton of websites that talk about famous people who had dysgraphia or dyslexia. It is very important that your son does not see himself as defective, simply different.
2. Comfort him when he is frustrated, but also let him struggle. Push for allowances in class that allow him to keep up with his peers, but let him work through the frustration and exhaustion at home. If he doesn't learn he can push past the frustration, he will be limited in how much he believes he can do.
3. Get him the therapy he needs, and do it as soon as possible. My son required speech, physical, and occupational therapy for everything from learning how to grip a pencil to how to decode sounds. In our part of the US, our speech therapist used the Wilson Reading program, and with the new approach to reading, he jumped several grades in a few months once it clicked.
4. Make sure he is doing things that he loves outside of class. My son loves making music, so we bought him a keyboard that hooks up to our Mac computer so he can create, record and produce his own music. He also likes to play with Legos (this is great therapy for fine motor skills as well), and he is also goes climbing with his dad. It is a sport where he challenges himself and it also helps develop his core muscles and fine motor skills. Do things with him that he likes.
5. Educate yourself on all of the research and data you can find on 2e kids and learning styles. You will be his best advocate for change in his school and with his teachers. If the French system does not yet give your child legal protection for services or accommodations, get really good at sweet-talking his individual teachers into learning how he best learns and what help he needs to succeed. As in all things, you'll have some teachers who readily see his genius in spite of his challenges and others will refuse to vary their teaching style. If it is unbearable, is home schooling an option?
6. Don't readily accept the ADHD diagnosis. Perhaps he really does have it, but maybe not. High IQ kids' boredom and zoning out can often be interpreted as an inability to focus when it is actually a heightened ability to tune out what is around them while they escape inside their own head.
Hang in there - it's a tough challenge for both of you, but 2e kids also bring a journey that is new and unique and often quite inspiring.
