Was that hothousing or did I just help her to overcome her fear of failure/fear of something 'not easy at first glance' and push through until the 'code' was broken?
I'd like to say it's not hothousing. (Hothousing is something different, I think because again, it's the "not ready for this yet" stuff.) But it's not something I would have done, I don't think--but my kids were spontaneous readers, so easy for me to say, right?
To be honest, none of us really know each other and none of us can say with anything approaching certainty whether what we are doing in our homes with our kids is over the gray line or not. As I say, I haven't always been sure myself. I don't really lie awake at night over this, but I think it's good to maintain self-awareness. I don't know adults who have been traumatized by "hothousing," EXACTLY, but I do know those who felt their parents were too pushy, too invested in their success, their identity as smart, etc.
If I spend a lot of time with my kid teaching her math, which she is quite capable of learning at a higher level than currently taught but not very interested in, as opposed to taking her birding, which she loves, and which is also educational, but doesn't produce quite the same "Ooh, ahhh" on-paper results, then I think maybe I am exchanging her priorities and interests for someone else's and making her a bit of a show pony. So I don't do this.
But it's important to realize that is not the ONLY thing in the parent-child life and again--gray areas. Even with Amy Chua (whose book I read)--I saw some crap that made me cringe like crazy, but it seemed like there was some warmth happening as well. Relationships and personalities are so multilayered.
I had a friend who did some things with her kid re discipline that made me shudder--not illegal stuff, but OMG gah I would never do that. But they have a warm and very close and fun relationship otherwise and it seems all good.
