By continuously instilling and pointing to the values behind the things we ask him to do. With a very similar sequence of priorities as DeeDee outlined.
:nodding yes:
Absolutely.
The rest of that is also true, though.
Ultramarina, I just wish that I could give you a hug and tell you that it gets better. I can't do either of those things, unfortunately... and we, too, have taken away print material as punishment.
This is pretty much the ONLY place that I can admit this, but there is NO way that I can use "go to your room" as a time-out, because often as not, that is a REWARDING environment as compared with the reason why I've opted to send her there for non-compliance. Because there are BOOKS in there, see...
The reason why our "naughty spot" is the stairs or our living room hearth is that those are both locations which are isolated/in the open enough that it is extremely difficult for DD to grab/stash reading material for the duration.
I do think that Zen Scanner is onto something, though, because for all of the awful years between 4 and 12, things seem to be dramatically improved since she turned about 12, and we have a fairly rational, polite and civil teenager. I often chose to
explain separately from the parent-child-conflict in the moment, though-- so if handwashing was a problem, I would explain during a non-charged moment WHY that rule existed for our household, and why it was so important to remember it. Problem solved. Of course, it becomes like wildland firefighting, with me as a parent continuously mopping up hotspots.
There was a lot of conflict along the way, but it does get results long-term. It's a process.
