I wind up genuinely wondering if I'm ruining his life by getting him used to a way of being that works for him... which is to say, I get taken by the "you're spoiling him" daemons.
It's s confusing, because I know he has to learn to cope with other situations, but it really doesn't seem like doing the parent thing too well should be a problem!
A wise person gave me this advice about parenting inflexible children: sabotage. Run out of their favorite brand of bread or flavor of juice, so they have to make do with a non-preferred item. Drive a different way to the store until it doesn't make them nervous. Keep bending their routines. This is much, much harder in the short run (SO MUCH harder, in the case of a child who freaks out or melts down with changes in routine)-- but it yields the best outcome in the long run, as the child learns that they can cope.
As Mum3 points out, though, the parental effort is the limiting factor. You do survival-level stuff first, and work on the nuances when things are manageable. (Should that ever come to pass.)
DeeDee
