Some kids are just really difficult to punish/reward using 'currency' since they are not very extrinsically motivated.
We have one of these kids-- and pretty much NOTHING works on her if she's determined/dug in. We've stripped everything from her as punishment, and offered some pretty incredible reward systems over the years, as well; I can assure you that for some kids, "sit on the naughty step, then" can go on ALL DAY if they don't want to... um... do five math problems that they KNOW how to do, clean the catbox, or put away the dishes. Yes, really; there is a reason why my DD's nickname is "Little Ghandi" that has nothing to do with social justice, let's just say. People who haven't seen this side of her simply can't FATHOM how immovable she can be.
Natural consequences tend to punish parents as much as kids, but sometimes that is all we have around here. Nobody ever promised that parenting was going to be fun or easy, right?
Like DeHe and knute, I'm the 'bad cop' parent-- my interactions with DD from ages 1-12 were mostly peppered liberally with behavioral modifiers and corrections. But I seldom had to deal with a kid who was way out of control or pushing ME there.
DH, on the other hand, wants to have "fun" with her so much that he ignores the little stuff until she pushes him into a corner, and then he comes out swinging (metaphorically, of course) and wondering how she wound him up so thoroughly.
It's because it's in her nature to push-push-push to get things her way. If you
allow her to manipulate you, she WILL.
Most useful parenting book ever, IMO?
The Manipulative Child which is particularly useful with non-extrinsically motivated children who are highly intelligent and socially adroit at a young age (in other words-- the little attorneys and negotiators).
