Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Suspected gifted 4 year old...what do I do?

You have a lot of responses here-- I think indigo is being practical, when I read through everything that you're saying in it's entirety.

What I have found kdoelit, is that giftedness can exacerbate or complicate behavior problems, but it doesn't cause them. The exception, of course, is if a child is in an inappropriate environment to meet their learning needs.

My reassurance to you is that my DS acted in some extreme ways at age four. One of his teachers even said that he does not show empathy. I took this with a grain of salt, because like you, I had a complete picture of his strengths and challenges. Now, at age eight, he is compassionate and kind and sensitive.

The caution to you is that my DS is being diagnosed now. He has expressive/receptive language delays that have caused him to have difficulty to interpreting social cues/body language/ etc. It's possible, that there is a global issue causing the deficit in social pragmatics- so we're taking it one step at a time

The deficit in social pragmatics has caused problems through the years making friends, staying out of trouble at home, and is co-morbid with anxiety. I'm mentioning all of this because social skills are *very* important for a child's functioning. My son doesn't have friends, and it makes him deeply unhappy. The other night, after spending a week trying to do nice things for his classmates without acknowledgement, he became resigned. He said (exact quote) "I'll never be acknowledged for nice things, and I do nice things all the time."

Of course, it broke my heart-- but I know, that the chasing, screaming, inability to understand the rules of games, and interact naturally is causing him to be isolated by other children. Never mind that he's far ahead in the classroom, and it may be another source of bad feelings from his peers.

The best thing that I can do for DS (his psychologist and I are in perfect accord on this) is to help him adapt socially. I cannot change the mean things kids say, and I cannot and would not change his intellect so he doesn't stand out further. Regardless of the diagnosis, DS will be entering groups for intensive social skills and executive functioning within weeks.

I want to recommend a "start" for you-- there is a book called (literally) "The Social Skills Handbook." It has pictures and deals with simple things like personal space, not interrupting, asking to play, etc. My son reads it to himself-- but it can be learned just by looking at pictures.

I think some behavior interventions are essential for your DS- when I read through all of your comments, there are issues at school. It sounds like your son is at least in need of play/social therapy. I sense that there are other issues- possibly ADD, possibly sensory integration, possibly HFA, or a delay in social pragmatics, etc. Only someone trained can give you those answers-- but rest assured, 3 1/2 to 5 1/2 were our worst years. Even with a diagnosis, things got soooo.... much better at 5 1/2.