Just to be clear - following up on cmguy/aeh's observations: The behaviors are unacceptable, and need to be addressed. The point for me is that the underlying strategy for addressing them has to align with the facts, not some belief/wish/desire that the child's behavior is a CHOICE that the child simply has to change. There is more to it here, and it's harder for the child than that. That reality must be addressed or all that will happen is the child will be punished for things outside of his control, will give up, and the pre-third-grade window aeh references will be lost.

DS is a case on point. With his hard-core punitive K teacher, he just gave up, and K was a horror. Over the summer (with that awesome, sensitive teacher I earlier mentioned) and with his first grade teacher who was on board from the start - he has made good progress (even if the poor little guy can't see it yet)!