Different minds is very theoretical....If your want a book that just teaches what to do now, try 'Transforming the Difficult Child Workbook'....strangly the Workbook has all the theory that the original book had but more concise. So you only need the Workbook. It is by Lisa Bravo.
I find the hand eating worrysome because it wasn't always like that.
Here is a sample of how Transforming Workbook works using the hand eating:
Some children find any attention reinforcing...positive or negative. Stop comments to 'Use Fork' at the table since they are providing a positive reward for a negative behavior. Then look for ways to make comments that notice any good table manners, such as
You wiped your hand on a napkin...what shows good table manners.
You looked at your fork, I wonder if you were thinking about using it to eat your potatoes.
I see you are using a spoon to eat your soup, good job of using utensiles.
Of course if you are silently fuming about the bad behaviors while mechanically saying the words it won't work. The workbook really helps with that. My idea is to start the experiment by keeping tracks of how many positive thought you have about your child during today on a little piece of paper and see if tomorrow you can beat your score.
Your son can not possible fake getting 19 on his IQ test even though it is quite true that some children clam up with strangers. Especially children who have learned that adults might react negatively to their vocabulary level. Is your son any good at reading body language in adults?
I have also had the experience of being told that my kid's problems were because I was 'too close' to him as a Mother. Looking back I would guess that 65% of what caused that was that having Verbal IQ over 140 is very stressful to a toddler and I was reacting to his pain and fear. 10% was because I missed having close friends who I could deeply connect with and I was delighted to interact with such a fine mind and 25% my own unidentified giftedness leading me to do everything I did so intensely. I didn't read 3 parenting books...I read 37 books. I didn't make resolutions to follow the good advice and then forget to do it...I followed through. So those are the reasons that caused me to end up acting in a way that looked to some like I was overinvolved.
If you want to print this out to share with your partner I would be honored to be a guest in your family.
Love and more Love
Grinity
