Hi Island,
Again I can relate to much of what you have said. I had my daughter at about the same age and was very much in the same situation you're in now. Ultimately, 5 years later, I now have it figured out most of the time - though I have my days, as I am sure most of us do, when I wonder if I am making the right choices.
But I couldn't have got to that point without some counselling. Like kathleen'smum I had undiagnosed PPD for the first two years of dd's life and it was really only after I started counselling for that that I could get my thoughts in any kind of order - And it took me about another 12 months from there. Until that point my head was just a swirl of lost chances, possibilities, impossibilities, resentment, feeling dependent, feeling bored etc. My mind couldn't settle on one thing long enough to make a decision and things wouldn't happen fast enough to make it worth my while (in my mind at least). I wish I'd gone to see someone earlier.
Now, you may well not have PPD (though you'd be very normal if you did, particularly based on the history you have shared here) - but even if you don't, seeing someone might help to work out what your goals are - give you some tools to help you reach them. I found cognitive behavioural therapy extremely useful because it made so much sense and I still use it all the time to check myself and whether or not I am being rational. It has been wonderful - completely life changing if I'm honest.
The other thing I wanted to mention was that I too didn't want to have to invest the time in something. Personally, I wanted success in something immediately and it had to be something meaningful and stimulating and valuable to society. None of which was realistic without time. Your friend won't have just come up with his idea over the weekend - I imagine the scaffold for such an idea would have been developed over years of study and accumulated knowledge. A couple of years ago I finally accepted that to do something I find really fulfilling, it is going to take me years - but because of my relatively young age the nearly 8 years of study I have to do will see me complete it by the time I'm 38. By then my daughter will be in high school and I will be better positioned to work at a career again (I had a successful career before but it was utterly meaningless to me). In the mean time I'm studying something I am passionate about and I'm able to focus on getting dd's needs met (well... I'm hoping we'll get there at some point!). I realize spending years out of the work force isn't realistic for everyone and while it has come at a considerable financial cost to us, I feel very lucky.
I guess I'd point out too that you have had a pretty tough time in those 27 years based on the things you have described and for much of it I imagine you've really just had to focus on surviving. That is a pretty big achievement in itself - it doesn't leave a lot of room for more standard achievements. The resilience you will have built up will stand you in good sted in helping you achieve whatever you want to now that you're in a more supportive situation. So it is by no means wasted time.
If you're not keen on going to see someone but think some 'thinking about your thinking' might help, there are some good books that discuss the basic techniques - the one my psych recommended was 'Change Your Thinking' by Sarah Edelman.
Take care,
Giftodd
