Keep noting the progress he makes by HIS yardstick, not the world's. Look back a year or three and note that things are different now. You are doing a great job supporting him, and it's important for your well-being and his that his progress be acknowledged.
Thank you, DeeDee. I really am going to make my own homespun IEP (goals for DS at home, and measure them) so that I can keep his progress in mind.
He is being much more cooperative, in terms of homework, this year--and yesterday I showed him how to do the scanning. It was much faster for him than it is for me: no surprise there! I still think I have to do some of it during the school week. He is really sluggish after school. I think it exhausts him just keeping himself together during the day.
I am proud of him. The dx has him anxious and upset but he is being generally pleasant and not too resistant to my direction.
It is so tricky to keep working on behalf of your DS without inadvertently putting people on the defensive. If it helps, this is one strategy I use that helps with my own perspective as well as smoothing things over.
First, when I state what the issues are that need resolving, I always start the sentence with "despite the best efforts of Mrs. so and so and Mr x" then I state that DS still isn't able to (in your case, hand in assignments or bring them home, or whatever).
And in a more comprehensive meeting or email, I always say what was tried in glowing terms. For example, when DS was not handing in classwork (primarily because the teacher thought it would help get over his shyness if he seated DS as far away from the printer as possible so he'd have to do the walk of shame...), I said it this way: Mr. shyguy has worked hard to find a solution for DS. He changed classroom seating and he tried.....However, despite these efforts, DS has not been able to hand in his papers.
This is good advice, thank you! I have done my best not to offend everyone but I'm not sure I've succeeded. One problem is email. It's how I'm supposed to communicate but I struggle with it. When I'm all factual, it seems "rude," but when I try to include more subjective info (i.e. "I know this is frustrating") that isn't well received, either.
I do think DS is beginning to buy-in a little but he absolutely HATES the planner--and it is a really important piece of this. He is able to explain what's happening in the classes that are run like clockwork (even with minimal info in planner), but the less structured ones send him into spaced-out orbit, and he either chooses not to explain or is unable. I vacillate between the two conceptualizations. Sometimes he seems unable and sometimes it's unwilling. Unwilling irritates me to no end.
I am also trying to learn all I can about ASD and am in obsessed mode, which is not really helping with (any of our) functioning. It's hard to figure out how to balance everything when I am so worried about him.
