I think being very empathetic and intense can even make it difficult to be as kind to siblings as one would like.She knows intellectually that it's wrong and we have tried a wide range of coping techniques, but it's very difficult when she has had a stressful day (and something we work on every day).
I just wanted to clarify that I didn't mean to imply in my previous post that if parents just told their kids to be friends all would be well, or that kids' "niceness" depended solely on parenting. Firstly, my perspective is from the parent of (at least several) grown children, so obviously, life has gotten much easier! Just like in pregnancy, one forgets (thank goodness!) some of the really tough times. But, I would also encourage all parents of intense, prickly, hard-to-be-friends-with-at-times gifties that it DOES get better. I think all the parenting pays off eventually, but believe me, our oldest dd also could be very challenging for both us and her siblings when she was younger. Just like your dd, my oldest knew intellectually how to treat people, but was often overwhelmed by her emotions (and often felt terribly guilty afterwards when she didn't act they way she knew she should). However, it got easier and easier every year and as a 20-something, she is a lovely, empathetic, and emotionally in-tune woman. After reading some of the comments, I was afraid that I gave the mistaken impression that my children were best friends from day one who never had a moment's disagreement. I'm not THAT delusional, even if each of the four kids has killed a few brain cells.
