Polarbear's post gave some excellent perspective about how giftedness evolves within the same child over time. It made me realize that there are probably more moving variables and unknowns involved in this decision process than I'd realized, or can even be expected to account for.
Are you overcomplicating things? It cannot be proved whether the companionship of a sibling outweighs getting less parental attention, but my opinion is that having siblings is overall a good thing for the first child. What I can say more confidently is that it's good to be alive, and therefore that it's good to bring a few people into the world if possible and if you can afford to.
We had two children and were thinking of whether to have a third, at a time when my wife and I were working in different cities and seeing each other only once every few weeks. Well, we had a third. One of my wife's sisters repeatedly called her early in the pregnancy, asking how we were going to manage three children. I think she was indirectly suggesting an abortion. Nuts to that! Our dear daughter is now seven years old, and we and her brother all love her and are glad she is in our lives. Our three children, spanning an age range of 3.5 years, having so much fun together and will always be there for each other, I hope.
Having a sister makes you happier and more optimistic, say psychologists.
By Kate Devlin 7:00AM BST
The Telegraph
02 Apr 2009
To raise to 50% the chance that each child will have a sister (or in other words, to have two daughters), you need to have three children
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I like the juxtaposition of an endorsement of giving DS a sister with your story about your wife's sister urging you indirectly to abort your third child. (Who does that?! Wow. No words.)
On a less sarcastic note, I appreciate that your family has managed to grow and flourish even when you and your wife were apart for long periods. That's wonderful.
I have to infer that we either have different parenting philosophies, children with different needs, or some combination therein if your wife had 3 children in 3.5 years while working outside the home, with you in another city; à chacun son goût.
Perhaps a little stats illustrates my point better than the verbiage in my earlier post. If my children hypothetically require my 24/7 attention for x years, x ~ (3, 1), it's a dramatically different story than if x ~ (3, 2) or x ~ (3, 0.5). I've drawn what looks like an x>=3 child, but which distribution properly models DH's and my genetic potential? I have too small an n to even hazard a guess, which has large repercussions for my career, our family finances, and how DH and I parent. This is the story of every parent...so perhaps I am overcomplicating this and just have the luxury to vacillate.
