Just to update...
DD 'broke up with' the boy in question.
She just found his immaturity and... well, his lack of "breadth" relative to her and her other friends-- too much to compensate for over time. In other words, once the initial physical appeal ("He's so CUUUTE!") wore off, there was no
there there.
He was incredibly insecure and needy, which she found annoying and immature. He was also constantly 'on her' about seeking reassurance that she thought he was "smart enough" in general, and also trying to spend less time with her other friends and more time one-on-one (which we obviously didn't think was very appropriate for a pair of 13yo children to begin with). The latter habit was very definitely due to his dislike of "sharing" DD with her friends, and his fear that he is noticeably out of the intellectual league that the rest of them are playing in.
Throughout the past month she has been;
a) gracious and kind,
b) resolved to stick to her principles re: healthy relationship dynamics and boundaries (which the boy attempted to circumvent in several different ways, I might add-- and this was probably his fatal miscalculation with DD)
c) compassionate even in her break with him-- genuinely extending "friendship" and truly explaining that her reasons really are about HER and not that there is anything wrong with HIM. She explained that she simply does NOT have the time for the kind of relationship that he is seeking, and that her school year looks radically different than his does by virtue of their different placements (him: 8th grade, her: 11th grade). She also expressed the sentiment that she isn't really seeking "that kind" of relationship with ANYONE at this point in time.
He sulked for a couple of days-- but there seem to be signs that he may be willing and mature enough to remain friends. This could have something to do with the hard physical boundaries that DD
never budged on, which would have made this very, very awkward otherwise.
We're very proud of how DD has conducted herself. We're also proud of how well she communicated with us throughout (particularly when she wasn't sure what to do/say in response to something odd/outrageous/objectionable), and acted thoughtfully and in accord with her own needs and beliefs. In some ways, this is completely typical DD-- incredibly mature socially.
She didn't
want to tell him via text, but eventually decided that it was kinder to do it SOONER rather than waiting to do it in person, and that an unpleasant 'scene' with him was less likely to be face-saving for him and therefore more likely to deprive him of the ability to remain friends platonically. (This boy is definitely not socially adroit and has few friends; DD intends to remain one of them.)
I am also happy that she took NO pleasure in being idolized, and even less in being manipulated or "possessed" by another person, and yet still deeply dreaded hurting another person with her own actions. She wasn't being reactionary in any way. She is growing to be a lovely young woman.
