This doesn't stop just because your child leaves elementary school.
::sigh:: If only.
If you have a child (like mine) who is a social chameleon (also an area of PG, quite frankly), then anyone who meets her in only ONE venue is likely to believe that what they see of her is what she IS.
Ergo, when they learn that my 13yo is a highly successful (top 0.5% of her class) high school student, they
assume that we must be:
a) making it up (ohhhhh... but she's homeschooled, so...
Uhhhh, no. She's NOT homeschooled.),
b) somehow gaming the system to make her appear smarter than she is (? yeah, I don't get this one, either),
c) whipping her through crushing amounts of work (this also mystifies me, since I doubt that it's even technically
possible at this level),
or
d) keeping her enrolled in some third-world equivalent of 'actual' high school (Really? You might try this on for size and see what YOU think of it... lots of families leave because it is MORE work than a B&M school).
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The problem is that they seldom keep such thoughts to themselves. There is a profoundly judgmental quality to this-- that is, the notion that we are being "abusive" to our child by... well, hothousing, I suppose. Underlying this, naturally, is this need that other parents seem to have to
cut my child down to size so that-- well, perhaps so that their own kids don't seem 'inferior' to them by comparison. That one boggles my mind-- do they also nudge the incredibly gifted athlete's parents after a huge win and say "Oh, but s/he's got all that private instruction. Otherwise s/he'd be pretty typical."
Do they murmur to the young musician's parents; "I'm sure that s/he would be much like the other kids if you allowed him/her to just have other interests."
I don't know-- maybe they
do actually behave that way.
It sure is irksome, though. It bothers my DD, too. What those parents fail to appreciate is that she is the real deal, and also has the exceptional perceptions of a much older person. Most 13yo's might not notice if an adult were talking to their parents about them. DD notices and fully understands the underlying implications in these statements.
It undermines her self-confidence terribly.
Why on
earth would another parent say "Oh, right-- but she's
really just a middle-schooler," when my child is nearing the end of her high school career?? Do they think that we have forgotten that she's 13?
I suppose on the asynchrony front, such nonsense is something of a back-handed compliment. It does indicate that DD is comfortable being exactly who and what she is, after all. She
can be multiple ages in different peer groups.
How do other parents handle this kind of thing with sensitive teens, though? I don't like how this sometimes leads DD to question her legitimacy intellectually.
