Ah, it comes off sounding that way, Kriston. But really, it's that I feel *exceedingly* unsatisfied with what I have done with what I was "gifted" -- although by most standards it looks as though I've done just fine for myself. In my own mind, I haven't -- because I feel like I could have been so much *more.* And not just gone farther in school or done something far more productive with my brains. I mean that even making the same life choices that I have, I could have learned more. And been a better person by having learnt it.
Does that make any sense at all? I just feel like I could have *known* more than I do, and been wiser for it. I *wish* that I'd read all the books I'd been assigned in my first stint in college -- I was one class away from a double major in English, and I'd really only completely read about a third of all the books assigned! I could have learned so much, and I just didn't, because I didn't have to.
I *wish* that I'd had to study more than a few hours to pass my nursing boards. While my peers were putting in literally full weeks to study for the thing, I looked over my notes and a few flashcards the day before I took the test, and I finished it in the minimum allowed questions and in 49 minutes -- they give you up to three hours to pass the test. I actually sat at my computer for a few extra minutes because I was embarrassed to be done so quickly! I didn't have to study, and I feel like I'd be a better RN if I *had* needed to. I certainly would have known a lot more, in a lot more detail than I do now!
In not having to try for anything, I don't feel like I'm the entirely the person I could have been. I feel like I would be a *better* person if I'd had to work hard and learn everything completely and well. And that really bugs me.
So I guess that's a better review of my "gifted baggage" -- and that's something I consider while making decisions for my poor ds! I want him to have the opportunity to really be challenged and stretch his mind.
