Hi Tammy,
I think that it's always a trade off, and it has helped me to ask "What are my values? What message do I want to send my son?" When the rubber meets the road, your choices send messages that no amount of words can drown out. If being "just like everyone else" is the main thing, how accepted is she going to feel? She just isn't "just like everyone else."
Perhaps it's better to be flexible with your own age based rules. If as a senior in HS she is as responsible as an 18 year old, perhaps she actually deserves the same privaliges as an 18 year old? Maybe you will actually like and trust the friends she chooses? I was early enteranced, and started college at 17. I also dated boys who were about 3 grades above me. I did go to the senior prom as a young 14 year-old, with a kind and bright and shy fellow in his senior year of High School, who I knew as a friend through the Drama Club. My parents seemed to be quite comfortable with the arrangement. Generally I felt that it must be true that "girls mature earlier" because I sure felt more mature than many, but not all, of the available boys. I ended up waiting to get married until I was 30, and DH is 7 years older than I am!
Some Moms have felt that their young daughter was a "lamb amoung the wolves" when interacting with High School boys. I think it depends on the child and her personality, and how much gentle teaching a parent is willing to do. In essence, I think learning to handle sharing toys with an intense Preschool Peer is good preperation for learning to handle a "Queen Bee" in Middle School, which in turn is good preperation for handling a "Wolf" in High School and a future boss or husband. I really do believe that this can be taught, by asking good questions and listening after reading books together or watching TV shows.
Now there are some kids who are really not going to pick up on this naturally, no matter how gifted they are. Personality matters, and you have to work with what you've got. But you certainly can "decelerate" your daughter at anytime if the benifits outweigh the disadvantages. Some kids go to college early then return for High School. Once you leave behind the wish for "normal" many things are possible. The possibilities are not as many as we deserve, but still more than we can imagine.
Well, that's a lot to think about...What interesting challenges our children hand us!
Enjoy,
Trinity
