I also don't have much to add - you've received lots of good advice above. I suspect this teacher will always be an issue - hopefully she'll become more understanding and willing to work with you as the year goes by - but even if she doesn't, try to remember that this is one year out of your dd's education. The important thing to focus on is long-term - is there something here you need to learn and/or understand to help with what happens not only now but in the future, after this year with this difficult teacher is over. Pursuing a private eval will most likely help tremendously in that direction.
She said she was concerned with the level books DD chooses (K) vs. what they know she can read (2+).
This is just a question out of curiosity because I am not sure I'm familiar with the reading levels your school uses - what is a K relative to a 2+ - is that referring to grade level, meaning your dd is choosing simple books to read when the teacher knows she's capable of higher level books, or does it mean she's choosing higher level books when the teacher thinks she isn't capable of comprehending them? If she's purposely choosing books that are easy.... two thoughts. First thought - why is that an issue? Seriously? If it is an issue, then yes, the teacher should limit what books she can choose from. Second thought - have you asked your dd why she chooses the books she does? Does she like picture books better? Is the font too small in the higher level books? There could be 100+ reasons she's choosing the books she is, and asking your dd why she chooses what she does can be very useful information in understanding what's up.
I'm not sure why this teacher appears to not want to help the situation and make suggestions as to what she feels is going.
This may not help, but have you thought about informally stopping in to see the teacher, maybe after school, as a follow-up to this meeting and letting her know you felt like she seemed unwilling to help or make suggestions and you just were wondering what was up. If things aren't too much of a battle with her already, I think you could do this in a caring manner rather than a helicopter-I'm-upset-mom manner and it *might* lend some insight into the situation. This is a reach, but I have been in situations advocating for my 2e ds where his teacher was basically not allowed to say the things she would have liked to say at team meetings. There can be a full host of reasons why a teacher might not offer up suggestions at a meeting like this - everything from a teacher simply doesn't care, to the school staff having a policy of not offering anything that isn't first suggested by the parent to worries about what will happen if the parent at some point in time later sues the school (and all types of situations in between).
She mentioned DD is careless about her work, is clearly capable but sometimes chooses not to do it, has poor hand writing, etc.
This sounds a lot like my two 2e children (both have different second "e"s).
Even with the evaluation unless she reaches the ceiling on the test there isn't much they will change as far as curriculum goes.
They might not change anything once they have the results of the evaluation, but the evaluation will (hopefully) give you valuable insight into how your dd learns as well as clues if there are any potential LDs.
No brainstorming on why she is disruptive, not on task, doing poorly. We are not seeing these behaviors at home. I know home is different but if she had poor behavior then why only at school?
Again, there could be a million different reasons why. Have you asked your dd what she feels is going on at school vs home? This is just one parent's experience with two children, but both of my 2e kids acts very differently at school than they do at home when faced with stress and anxiety at school.
This is my first time advocating with the school system. It feels tough and a little lonely. It doesn't help that I have nothing to back me up but my mom radar.
It can be tough, and it can feel very lonely. Most school staff aren't going to go out of their way to make you (the parent) feel understood and cared for even if they are going out of their way to take care of your child's needs. Just try to remember why you are advocating, and come here for support. Remember that you also *do* have much more than your "mom radar". You have the tests your dd has already taken - if you don't have copies of them, request copies from the school. Soon you'll have a private evaluation. As you start pulling together an idea of what's up, collect examples of your dd's schoolwork that illustrate your concerns. You really most likely *do* have much more than you think you do in terms of concrete evidence. Also if your school tells you they "can't" do something - look up your school district's policy - don't take your school's word for it.
Last thought - I hope I'm remembering correctly - but I think you posted wondering if your 3 year old who is in speech therapy might also be gifted? I'd throw the reverse question at you here - you have a 3 year old who seems to have some challenges, is it possible that your older dd has challenges (maybe related, maybe not) but she's flown under the radar because of her ability to compensate so far?
Best wishes as you try to understand what's up - be sure to let us know how the eval goes.
polarbear
