Today I met with DD7's teacher, asst principal and 2 guidance counselors. The teacher said she was having major issues with DD's behavior and staying on task. I thought it would be good bring a few people together as the teacher has been a bit condescending and unprofessional so far. She seems to see DD7 as a problem rather than trying to help DD and figure out what's going on.
From the start of the meeting she wasn't very nice. Didn't say hello and just asked me to follow her into the conference room. She asked that I start the meeting since it was my idea to have one. I discussed that DH and I were concerned about the teachers trouble with DD's behavior and I want to work as a team to try and figure out what might be going on and how we can help DD stay on task and not be talkative or disruptive. The 30m the teacher was in the room I felt like nothing was really accomplished. She said she was concerned with the level books DD chooses (K) vs. what they know she can read (2+). The counselor suggested narrowing DD's choices but the teacher seemed to reluctantly agree. I feel so confused and discouraged with that portion of the meeting. I'm not sure why this teacher appears to not want to help the situation and make suggestions as to what she feels is going.
Once the teacher left the tension was gone. We didn't really come to a solution as the teacher didn't have much to say in regards to the behavior. She wasn't sure if there was a pattern other than she feels it occurs most in the mornings.
She mentioned DD is careless about her work, is clearly capable but sometimes chooses not to do it, has poor hand writing, etc.
I brought up testing her to see exactly what she is capable of but other than the assessments already given which she scored really high on the school will only place her in a talent pool. I discussed how DH and I are having her privately evaluated and they thought it was a great idea. Even with the evaluation unless she reaches the ceiling on the test there isn't much they will change as far as curriculum goes. The teacher said she is already giving her differential work and some DD is doing very poorly on.

Other than getting the private eval done I feel so lost. The counselors were great and it went well with them, not so much with the teacher. I feel like nothing was really accomplished though. No brainstorming on why she is disruptive, not on task, doing poorly. We are not seeing these behaviors at home. I know home is different but if she had poor behavior then why only at school?
This is my first time advocating with the school system. It feels tough and a little lonely. It doesn't help that I have nothing to back me up but my mom radar.

Sounds like the teacher is very negative and unhelpful. She is probably a big part of the problem. Would she be willing to let you observe the class or could one of the guidance counselors? Is there a school psych? When I had concerns about DD, the school psych went in and observed her, then gave me a report.

In terms of behavior, she should put together some sort of positive behavior plan, like a reward or sticker chart. You will probably need the help of the guidance counselors to put something in place.

My thought reading your post is that your DD has the same problem as you do... a inflexible, teacher who has made some negative assumptions about her.

Testing and observation give you a place to start.

I don't have a daughter but I frequently hear of girls underperforming to "fit in". Is it possible your daughter is feeling too different from her classmates because of how the differentiation given is offered to her. She may be doing the "dumbing down" thing many of the girls struggle with.

I'm not much help but don't discount your mommy sense... use it to motivate you to each step as it comes. You are already doing this.

I would agree that she definitely comes off as negative and unhelpful. Even at open house when she was talking to the parents as a group about curriculum and what not, she was negative and up in arms is the impression I got. IT has been no different when she discusses DD. Being that she seems to have a blah attitude, I do feel she is more of the problem. Although DD is only in 1st grade, this is the first teacher to have "major issues." DD can be difficult, demanding, intense etc no doubt. I guess I expected to come to the table and not have to make all the suggestions and figure this out on my own so to speak. I'm not sure if they have a school psych. I know that I can visit DD's classroom and it's a simple set up. I will definitely have to observe to get a clear picture of the classroom setting.

They have a clip up/down color chart. They mentioned that it is not typical for a K or 1st grader to clip down as often as DD does. The suggestion for that was setting up a reward system at home based off the days she has at school. I'm nt sure I agree with this though. For 2 reasons, a) i do not get a progress report from the teacher daily (she is 1 out of 5 that don't do daily reports) so I am relying on DD to tell me. Which has been going well so far b) when DD has a bad day at school she doesn't usually have a bad day at home. I don't want to punish her for being bored or behavior that is a reaction to her environment. Does that make sense?

It is definitely possibly she is "dumbing down." The teacher stated in not so many words that she isn't sure what is going on as far as DD's work because DD will do great on one assignment and then when given another one very similar will do poorly. When I spoke of DD mentioned many times that the work she does is baby work or she is bored the teacher was not hearing it. She said she doesn't understand how DD could be bored especially when she does poorly on some of her work.
I have know for many years something is off with DD and could never put my finger on it. I could see that she was different than her peers and didn't quite fit in or the mold. Years 3-6 were exhausting. She was intense, demanding and so active. She was insatiable most of the time and complained of boredom or misbehaved. I don't have any assessments other than the schools to "back me." Which the teacher so nicely pointed out that not all DD's scores are high. I addressed the possibility that DD is underachieving (maybe I was using the wrong term...oops)and the teacher changed her tune some and said DD is capable of the work and choosing not to do it sometimes. I'm just lost and confused.

It would not surprise me if she was underperforming because I did. I don't remember doing it earlier than 6th grade. It was easier to conform and not be teased.

Another possibility is an undiagnosed learning disability or other exceptionality. Our school problems began when written output increased. My well behaved child was suddenly a "behavior problem". All that followed this development eventually that led us to testing and a new understanding of the disabilities and the inappropriate demands he had been laboring under. I never would have guessed my son would have a LD although in looking back the signs have been there consistently since beginning preschool.

I say all that to say keep collecting data, read some books and posts on 2e kids and maybe things will start to come into better focus for you. There are many posts here that are infinitely enlightening and you may begin to find what that "something is off" feeling is about.

I agree. Until you are comfortable with the situation, I would avoid any sort of set up where she either gets a reward or punishment at home based on what happened at school.

I spent a week at a conference and DS came with me. From birth he has been an intense and demanding little guy. No naps or much sleep.The something is off with DD feeling made so much sense when someone commented to me that my 3m old may be gifted. Her children are 2e and she had worked with GT children for many years. I laughed it off because he was so little but she insisted that I look it up. I love to research stuff so I looked into it and realized that so much about DD made sense. DS1 is just like DD7 except more intense at an earlier age. When I began reading more and more, it made sense as DH and I have so many of the HG traits. DH was a "problem child" and his abilities were definitely overlooked as he scored perfect scores on aptitude tests. I was teased a lot for being smart and had my mom pull me from AP courses. It almost feels relieving to read articles and come on here. I feel like DD is normal (I say normal loosely :)) when for so many years I was frustrated with her and didn't understand her.

There could definitely be a LD there as well. She has expressed sensitivity to sound and is very easily distracted by it. She has had awful ear infections since 6m, had tubes, and now has a hole in one ear causing a hearing loss. She had hearing loss prior to tubes as well. I'm new to all this and don't know if this is accurate but there may be an auditory disability?

Until the testing is done, it's going to drive me crazy about what exactly is happening.

It's probably actually really good she has behavior issues. Something is not right and if she were holding it together just a tiny bit better the teacher would have no incentive to make any changes. And you might not realize. I am seeing with my DS that the squeaky wheel is a good thing in the very long run.

At least this is the way I am trying to look at things with DS6.

In comparison to yours, DSs teacher is sweet and helpful seeming and has made some helpful changes for him to address his writing problems. She is kind and nice to him. On the other hand she is controlling and all ideas apparently have to come from her. She is also very strict, caring about their facial expressions or manner of sitting.

DS was originally exhibiting some meltdowns and outright oppositional and rude behavior. He is still crying some and looks on the brink of meltdown apparently quite often. We have been frequently not sending him to school on days where it seems inevitable he would lose it. At first I was worried about seeming like we weren't taking school seriously but in the end it is good, it is something we can point to to say look DS really needs accommodations or further differentiation of some sort because at the moment he's not even able to go to school full time.

As it turns out attendance is a huge motivator for schools because if their average daily attendance drops too low their funding suffers. So in a roundabout way not going to school makes a problem more likely to be worked on.

Even if the teacher is not being communicative you can be communicative with them. We have been increasingly making statements over email labelled update, to back up our future attempts at change, just communicating that DS is still struggling with being unhappy or anxious about school or whatever. If it's not in writing it's not an issue.

I hope to observe soon also.

We spoke to a psychologist with a teaching background. They recommended to simultaneously:
1. look at alternate schools.
2. consider homeschooling type options.
3. request evaluations based on the behavior issues and unhappiness and anxiety as well as any remotely possible learning issues. Just because a child is performing on grade level in all areas does not mean evaluations shouldn't be done. When requesting or doing evaluations it is not the step of assessing eligibility for services, it is merely saying "hey there is a problem and we need to get to the root of it". Requesting evaluations in writing also formalizes that the parent really feels there is a problem.
4. Do your own evaluations to the extent possible.
5. Contact the district (yes go above the school without asking them first) and say something such as "We are exploring all the options for our child and are interested to find out what would be the district's response if we wanted to X" X being partial days at home or hire an in school tutor or any other unusual arrangement that you personally think might help. Do not ask to do the thing. You are interested in precedent and their policies and exceptions, generally speaking. IF you just ask for something unusual the response would be more likely to be no unless you have approached in a way in which they can think to themselves about it. Don't ask the principal or teacher first as they will just say no. Later this gives you the ability to go to the teacher or principal and say, "We would like to request such and such. We have inquired as to district policy and understand they would support this option".

My suggestion is that you need to get your DD tested so that if there is an exceptionality 'going on' remediation can begin as early as possible.

Nothing beats hard, empirical data at these sorts of meetings.

Also, gird yourself for a hard slog as these 'meetings' will in all likelihood be a perennial event in your life from now on.

Also, try enriching/engaging at home if possible so that your DD can spread her wings somewhere.

Good luck

You already have tonnes of great suggestions but I'll add my experience to the mix.

We had a very similar experience with DS in grade 1. In the end it came down to two things for us -

1. poor teacher - I know she meant well and was trying but she didn't have the skills to deal with him and the 15 others in the class. We should have figured this out earlier than we did since only one of his two teachers was having issues. I volunteered in the class one morning a week the whole year and what sealed the deal was that I observed the huge turnaround that occurred in the class when there was substitute. It was night and day for all of the kids, not just mine.

2. LD - we had DS evaluated half way through grade one and he is 2e which explained a lot. Again, looking backward this should have been more obvious but neither DH or I dealt with LD's so we were kind of blinded. It was hard to wrap our heads around the fact that the kid that could do insanely smart things would then turn around and struggle writing a 3 word sentence. Then the challenge was figuring out when he was acting out because it was too easy (the gifted side), it was too hard (the LD side), or he was just being a "normal" 6 year old boy or all of the above. This will likely be something we'll be sorting out for the next 12 years but at least we have more information to help sort it out.

In the end I'm grateful that she was such a poor teacher and that we were pushed to do the full evaluation sooner than later. It made a lot of things make sense. Once we had the report we were then able to advocate and they took it very seriously rather than some crazy parents complaining. Although most of last year was write off (the teacher wasn't able to do much with the IEP but at least she had more compassion when it came to writing assignments) we now have a FANTASTIC teacher and haven't had issues this year. Not that we've fixed everything or that I expect this to last but at least we have a bit of a calm in the storm that has been our life with DS

Good luck!

Yes, this. One of our biggest regrets is the number of times we punished DS last year for the bad reports we got on him from school. We would have taken a different tack if we had any idea what it was like for him to sit there day after day, trying to be still, trying to find some glimmer of true learning in that classroom, being labeled as a "difficult" child. He put it so well to me when I asked a few weeks ago if he was glad he was in a new school. "Yes, I wish I had been there last year. It would have saved me a year of lost privileges (at home)."

Sorry to read this. I could have posted what you wrote almost exactly, about a year ago. The "problem" is that my DS is not a behavior problem at all...so when I came to school to investigate, everyone balked that my son is unhappy.

Trust your intuition. You are right. This advocacy is lonely. But you can come on this site and gets heaps of support and advice. Literally, it is what has gotten me to where we are now with my son.

If you can, get your child evaluated privately only. I am smack in the middle of evaluating my son now (for a grade skip and 2E) and so far our tester is uncovering loads of things that I KNOW the school would not have done. (Ex. DS is reading a few grade levels up but apparently the tester is noticing that he is "gaming" the system and probably has some dyslexia going on. The tester at school would have checked off the box "reads at or above grade level" and moved on.)

Again, trust that mommy instinct of yours and do not give up until your mommy instinct tells you to!

Polly: I am doing exactly what you suggested. It is so overwhelming but I enjoy knowing there are other options and support here.

Unfortunately, we have a poor teacher and she is not helpful. She is sarcastic and spiteful. She twists what I say. Very frustrating to say the least. I would feel much comfortable if I knew the teacher would do more than just mediocre for her students. The school not testing or having suggestions is an obstacle but I have private options so my main concern is this teacher. DD seems to like her from what I can tell. Says she yells a lot though.

I am so happy to have a place to express concern and get others insight and suggestions. I'm so anxious for the Eval and to see what is going on. I anticipate that the teacher will still show resistance. Homeschooling is a major option right now.

My mommy instincts are telling me something isn't right. My strong knowledge and science background needs this Eval to back me up. Without it I feel helpless and that "crazy parent" insisting that my child doesn't have behavior problems and she is bored. The teacher refuses to hear this though. She also refuses to acknowledge DD hearing loss (a hole in R ear with partial hearing loss and an ear drum that burst Monday from a severe ear infection, probably causing more hearing loss) as an issue since she performs well with some assignments and not with others. My mommy instincts and based off of research that there is a strong likelihood that DD is HG with a possible LD. She just doesn't seem to fit any disorders I have read about.

I know I shouldn't be but I feel crazy and judge.

Is it possible to get her switched into one of the other classes in her same grade? I know some schools are cool with this and some not, but it might be worth asking.

We also had a sarcastic and nasty teacher last year. She was only that way to us as far as I could tell. She made all kinds of sideways accusations including: we were paying our son to learn math at higher levels, we don't allow him to have play dates because we are too busy strapping him to a chair so that he could do advanced work,we taught him to not like age mates because we are teaching him to think he is better than everyone else. (My DS is so quiet and humble, i never understood that particular comment because she always told me that he was "humble".)

Anyway, those comments really stung me for a long time. I finally realized that I was doing nothing good for my son by lingering on my hurt. And of course, this is all about one thing really - getting my child's needs met. So I focus on that

This may become worse under Common Core as it has been said that the desire to track its effectiveness is driving the creation of a large database to store much information about students and their families, including attitudinal factors. It is said these records will be shared among educational institutions and be available to researchers. Inquiries to-date about how a family would review their child/ren's records and submit corrections have not resulted in information being provided. This may translate to a teacher's negative comments following a student throughout a lifetime.

Similar to the practice of some people keeping a personal copy of their medical records at home, parents may wish to begin constructing and maintaining a set of educational records for their children.

I have always had a hearing impediment - almost totally deaf my right ear. That last bit about erratic performance is basically what got me labelled as borderline retarded by my primary school teachers.

Oh how I have proved them wrong since but man did getting hit every day suck! (corporal punishment was alive and well in those days).

Obviously if your DD hears the directions she can follow them and if she cannot then she cannot follow them! Get the hearing test, the IQ test and the achievement test. Hard facts + mother's intuition will be a far more potent combination.

MON I've never heard of CAPD. Can you tell me more about it?
The teacher seems to think DD's inconsistency has more to do with interest. If DD wants to do it she will and will perform wonderfully. If she isn't interested she be careless. I agree to a point because DD is like this. Although I would not rule out 2e and have talked with the psych doing the eval that I want everything covered. DD appears to have consistency at home. With 2e would we see inconsistencies at home as well?
I want to clarify that I am still really new to a lot of this so my questioning is not undermining or not wanting to see the big picture. Rather, trying to make sense of it all.

You make a VERY excellent point about the teacher. Her father passed 2 days before we first met her at orientation, so about a week or so before school started. I was unaware of this at our first encounter. After finding out DH and I of course did not take our first impression seriously. We are now 2 months in and her behavior as been consistent. This could still be depression/grief, no doubt. What makes me wonder otherwise is the counselors story about her daughter having this teacher last year and people asking her why she would choose this teacher.

Luckily she is not as rude as the teacher you stated above. DH would definitely have words if she were and I can understand how that would sting for a long time.

You are absolutely correct! This is about the child's needs and the focus on the teacher should be minimal in comparison. Which is why at the meeting I didn't mention the issues between her and I but focused on DD. Not that it seemed to make any difference being that she only dug herself deeper. I will continue to focus on DD because in the end that is the real issue/focus here and this teacher will only be around for 1 yr. DD may continue to have issues that need work beyond her.

No. I spoke with the principal about this. I got a one line email in return stating they do not grant these requests. She did not ask for further details or inquire about why I would want to switch. Maybe I'm over thinking it but I would think the appropriate response as a principal would be to dig a bit deeper and find out why the parent is requesting a change.



Hearing test came back at between 20-40% (I forget the exact number) loss in R ear until it is patched. PEd said the ear drum that burst there is definitely hearing loss until it repairs itself and the infection is gone. IQ testing and a full eval is being done mid-late Nov. We made 2 visits to not overwhelm DD. Achievement testing is high 90's for most with a few 79 and above. I'm not sure how it is read or graded though so I couldn't say if she is low, moderate or high on those ones.
Anyone know how the STAR literacy is reviewed?

I'm very interested in learning more about this and finding out who I need to talk with to see if this is part or all of DD's issues. What struck me in the link was that is listed characteristics which DD has almost all except the reading, spelling etc. and carrying out multi step directions. Another thing that struck me is that this disorder can mimic Aspergers and ADHD which at one time or another I questioned.

I am definitely going to look further into this, thank you for the link!

I also don't have much to add - you've received lots of good advice above. I suspect this teacher will always be an issue - hopefully she'll become more understanding and willing to work with you as the year goes by - but even if she doesn't, try to remember that this is one year out of your dd's education. The important thing to focus on is long-term - is there something here you need to learn and/or understand to help with what happens not only now but in the future, after this year with this difficult teacher is over. Pursuing a private eval will most likely help tremendously in that direction.


This is just a question out of curiosity because I am not sure I'm familiar with the reading levels your school uses - what is a K relative to a 2+ - is that referring to grade level, meaning your dd is choosing simple books to read when the teacher knows she's capable of higher level books, or does it mean she's choosing higher level books when the teacher thinks she isn't capable of comprehending them? If she's purposely choosing books that are easy.... two thoughts. First thought - why is that an issue? Seriously? If it is an issue, then yes, the teacher should limit what books she can choose from. Second thought - have you asked your dd why she chooses the books she does? Does she like picture books better? Is the font too small in the higher level books? There could be 100+ reasons she's choosing the books she is, and asking your dd why she chooses what she does can be very useful information in understanding what's up.


This may not help, but have you thought about informally stopping in to see the teacher, maybe after school, as a follow-up to this meeting and letting her know you felt like she seemed unwilling to help or make suggestions and you just were wondering what was up. If things aren't too much of a battle with her already, I think you could do this in a caring manner rather than a helicopter-I'm-upset-mom manner and it *might* lend some insight into the situation. This is a reach, but I have been in situations advocating for my 2e ds where his teacher was basically not allowed to say the things she would have liked to say at team meetings. There can be a full host of reasons why a teacher might not offer up suggestions at a meeting like this - everything from a teacher simply doesn't care, to the school staff having a policy of not offering anything that isn't first suggested by the parent to worries about what will happen if the parent at some point in time later sues the school (and all types of situations in between).


This sounds a lot like my two 2e children (both have different second "e"s).


They might not change anything once they have the results of the evaluation, but the evaluation will (hopefully) give you valuable insight into how your dd learns as well as clues if there are any potential LDs.


Again, there could be a million different reasons why. Have you asked your dd what she feels is going on at school vs home? This is just one parent's experience with two children, but both of my 2e kids acts very differently at school than they do at home when faced with stress and anxiety at school.


It can be tough, and it can feel very lonely. Most school staff aren't going to go out of their way to make you (the parent) feel understood and cared for even if they are going out of their way to take care of your child's needs. Just try to remember why you are advocating, and come here for support. Remember that you also *do* have much more than your "mom radar". You have the tests your dd has already taken - if you don't have copies of them, request copies from the school. Soon you'll have a private evaluation. As you start pulling together an idea of what's up, collect examples of your dd's schoolwork that illustrate your concerns. You really most likely *do* have much more than you think you do in terms of concrete evidence. Also if your school tells you they "can't" do something - look up your school district's policy - don't take your school's word for it.

Last thought - I hope I'm remembering correctly - but I think you posted wondering if your 3 year old who is in speech therapy might also be gifted? I'd throw the reverse question at you here - you have a 3 year old who seems to have some challenges, is it possible that your older dd has challenges (maybe related, maybe not) but she's flown under the radar because of her ability to compensate so far?

Best wishes as you try to understand what's up - be sure to let us know how the eval goes.

polarbear

Good question! In due time and in hindsight I am positive there will be lessons learned from all this.



K meaning Kindergarten and 2+ meaning 2nd grade and above. I'm not sure why this is an issue. DD loves animals and particular subjects. But animals is her favorite. Wednesday she told us at library she wanted a non-fictional book on animals. When she came home she told me she got a fictional book because she didn't see any non-fiction on animals. So with that and the teachers issue about the lower leveled books, my guess is that DD is looking for something specific. When she doesn't find that on the classroom shelf for her level she goes to the closest thing like she did at library.



Good point! I do want to arrange a classroom observation. Should I talk with her informally then or do it separately?


Being that she has a lot of ear infections and a noise sensitivity some have mentioned APD. I have read a little about it and emailed DD3's ST to help with pointing me in the right direction. As well as whether this would have been ruled out during the auditory testing both girls have had and DD3's speech eval she had a few months ago. If not this is something I will get done and rule out.


Absolutely. It's definitely possible. I spoke with SLP today a little about DD3. She said DD3 is very intelligent and picking up on things fairly quickly. We talked about doing another eval in the next few months to see how far she has come since June. We did discuss both DD's and whether DD7 could possibly have some auditory issues going on but it is masked by intelligence. Luckily, SLP is awesome and so helpful with suggestions. Another person in my corner to help guide me.

This seems like what a principal would do if they just hope you'll drop the issue. There have to be mechanisms in place to accommodate problems. I would follow-up again with the principal, and if you still get an unsatisfactory response, then contact the district superintendent. Never be afraid to rock the boat.
-S.F.

You are on a good track. I saw in another thread that you had a private Neuro-psych appointment scheduled. It sounds like you are doing a terrific job chasing down your leads and using your resources to figure this out. And (to quote GI Joe) "knowing is half the battle".

You've mentioned home school a bit here and there. For us the problems at school really got us to the testing phase and the results helped us weigh our choices better. We have spent some significant $$ tracking down the difficulties for our child, but even now with home schooling, it was absolutely worth it. What I know now helps me choose better learning options as his teacher as well as his parent. It's been a painful journey for us sometimes but it's brought the gift of a better life and a happier, better functioning child.

Looking forward to hearing about your results as you begin to get them.

I will second this! Nothing we tried with DS for the last two years, punishment or reward, helped his behavior for any length of time. I certainly regret being so blind to what would have helped.

A couple more random thoughts that came as I was reading through the many excellent posts.

I ruptured my ear drum a few years ago. It took a couple months before my hearing returned and was an eye opening experience. About a week after it happened we went to a friend's place with about 20 people to hang out. It was unbearable. I was completely unable to focus enough on one conversation since there was so much background noise. We ended up leaving after about 30 min because I couldn't function. One on one wasn't a problem.

You had a question about if you would also see inconsistencies at home and in my experience - not necessarily (or at least not unless you know exactly what you're looking for). My DS was fine at home. He is very inquisitive and we talk about a LOT of things but all of his learning at home was aural or visual (in his case his strong suits). He is also able to pursue things of his own interest and at his own pace and this works great for him. Sitting in a classroom learning to count money for the third week in a row did now work for him. Compound onto that that he had to actually write out things and then things got really ugly. His specific LD is low processing speed and low working memory which for now mostly shows itself in his writing output. He's able to compensate for a lot of things with his other strengths so it isn't always obvious. I also have a friend who's DD is 2e and has managed to fly under the radar until grade 4. She was able to memorize books and use the pictures to fool the teachers into thinking she could read when she couldn't.

Anyway, there are a lot of reasons other than LD that might explain things (I'm just biased because of my experience). Hopefully you'll get some answers for her that will help you.

I wouldn't punish a kid at home for something that happened at school - it just makes a bad day worse. Reward a good day by all means but how would you feel if you had a hellish day at work and your partner made home horrible because of it rather than being supportive and helping you sort things out before the next day?

Like someone said the one line email may be a screening device. Obviously they don't want kids changing classes willy-nilly but if you persist you may find it is not impossible.

Punishment and reward have not worked for us either. For a few years I read gentle parenting books and the like. Nothing worked for any legnth of time either. Last year my mom told DD that if she had green (this is the color everyone starts on in the morning, they can go up or down from there) or above for at least 1 week of school she would get her a treat of her choice. We did this for a few weeks with no success. The behavior are things I would consider small. Definitely needs correcting but I would not classify it as major behavior issues as the teacher has. DD's biggest issues are talking and getting out of her seat. One reason that leads me to believe there may be a listening disorder is the teachers last email that discussed DD's behaviors. She said she was talking to DD about "roaming around the room" and before the sentence was off her lips DD walked away. DD will do this to us, primarily when we are lecturing and being repetitive. I do not condone DD's behavior but think that another approach should be tried.

DD's infections are bizarre. She has always been asymptomatic and expresses no pain. When the ear drum burst she seemed fine. I stumbled upon it when doing her hair. Ped commented that she was shocked DD was letting her touch it as most kids would want to jump off the table.

Your post made me think of a comment made by the teacher in regards to a spelling test DD didn't do well on. She has been getting 12/12 on all pretests. I suggested that she speak directly to DD and not at a distance in case hearing is part of the problem right. Her response was that is not DD's issue she hears fine because she completed work earlier in the day just fine. Following with DD is in first grade and unlike K there is more students (4 more to be exact) and there isn't an aid. She said she can't do one on one. She is here to help not entertain.

Your daughter is so lucky to have a practicing medical doctor as her teacher!

I am not above tricking her into saying what exactly is on her mind. And you are right that she does say politically incorrect things. She also appears oblivious that she does it. I was floored that she acted the way she did at the meeting in front of others. Luckily, I had to go alone and kept my cool and allowed her to act unprofessionally. I wanted the counselors and assistant principal to see how she treats parents and their concerns. Had DH been there the meeting would have gone very bad because he would've told her how he felt and then left.

Based off what you said I will weed through the emails because I may already have something. I have a very long back and forth of emails, one of which I replied with sympathy about the difficulties it must be to have DD disrupting her and other children. Maybe something is in there that I missed and she already did say in not so many words she can't help DD.

I will admit that I am one that doesn't like to rock the boat, so it is a little hard learning to advocate. DH is more than willing to rock more than one boat so I'm lucky to have him on my side

jholland, can you call your ped today and get a drs note re the punctured ear drum? While I would continue on with your eval and advocating just as you are - I also think that in this case, with a drs note, you should at least try to go to the school nurse (if there is one) and ask that your dd have accommodations until it heals. This is just one little thing you should be able to do today (or tomorrow lol). Many times schools will write up what is called a "Health Plan" for children who have medical issues but aren't on either 504 plans or IEPs to cover either temporary conditions or conditions that are permanent or long-lasting but the school feels the child doesn't need the protection (or paperwork) involved with a 504 plan. It's not what your dd needs long term, but it may be at least something to start with right away to get something like preferential seating etc.

You might also call your school district's 504 coordinator (if you haven't already) and discuss what's going on with the coordinator and ask how they would recommend proceeding for a child who has a hearing issue caused by a ruptured ear drum. This isn't the end-all of your advocating - you'll still proceed with your eval etc, just fact-finding and possibly a route to getting something done sooner. I really feel for your dd in a classroom situation where she might not be hearing everything.

Just a thought -

polarbear

I have a call in to the Children's Hospital to get the paperwork that states the hearing loss. Ped office I will be calling tomorrow and picking it up.

Here is the email I thought I could possibly present for a reason to switch teachers. This was in response to me asking for details on one of DD's really bad days where she is suppose to contact me and didn't. DD had a pink day (the lowest color they can get. Pink stands for parent contact)

"I am still having a major issue with her not following rules. She is out of her seat constantly roaming the room and when she is at her seat, she is talking across the table and across the room, hindering the others from getting their work done. She is a sweet girl, but her behavior has made it difficult for me to teach my lessons. It wouldn’t make a difference if I moved her to another seat. The same issues happen. She will talk to anyone that will listen. I will ask her nicely to go back to her seat and while the sentence isn’t even off my lips, she continues to walk."

Err - is she sure that your DD heard her? Does she know how hard it is to track someone's voice in the midst of a lot of other background noise when you have a hearing impediment?

No to both of the above, I am sure.