It's probably actually really good she has behavior issues. Something is not right and if she were holding it together just a tiny bit better the teacher would have no incentive to make any changes. And you might not realize. I am seeing with my DS that the squeaky wheel is a good thing in the very long run.
At least this is the way I am trying to look at things with DS6.
In comparison to yours, DSs teacher is sweet and helpful seeming and has made some helpful changes for him to address his writing problems. She is kind and nice to him. On the other hand she is controlling and all ideas apparently have to come from her. She is also very strict, caring about their facial expressions or manner of sitting.
DS was originally exhibiting some meltdowns and outright oppositional and rude behavior. He is still crying some and looks on the brink of meltdown apparently quite often. We have been frequently not sending him to school on days where it seems inevitable he would lose it. At first I was worried about seeming like we weren't taking school seriously but in the end it is good, it is something we can point to to say look DS really needs accommodations or further differentiation of some sort because at the moment he's not even able to go to school full time.
As it turns out attendance is a huge motivator for schools because if their average daily attendance drops too low their funding suffers. So in a roundabout way not going to school makes a problem more likely to be worked on.
Even if the teacher is not being communicative you can be communicative with them. We have been increasingly making statements over email labelled update, to back up our future attempts at change, just communicating that DS is still struggling with being unhappy or anxious about school or whatever. If it's not in writing it's not an issue.
I hope to observe soon also.
We spoke to a psychologist with a teaching background. They recommended to simultaneously:
1. look at alternate schools.
2. consider homeschooling type options.
3. request evaluations based on the behavior issues and unhappiness and anxiety as well as any remotely possible learning issues. Just because a child is performing on grade level in all areas does not mean evaluations shouldn't be done. When requesting or doing evaluations it is not the step of assessing eligibility for services, it is merely saying "hey there is a problem and we need to get to the root of it". Requesting evaluations in writing also formalizes that the parent really feels there is a problem.
4. Do your own evaluations to the extent possible.
5. Contact the district (yes go above the school without asking them first) and say something such as "We are exploring all the options for our child and are interested to find out what would be the district's response if we wanted to X" X being partial days at home or hire an in school tutor or any other unusual arrangement that you personally think might help. Do not ask to do the thing. You are interested in precedent and their policies and exceptions, generally speaking. IF you just ask for something unusual the response would be more likely to be no unless you have approached in a way in which they can think to themselves about it. Don't ask the principal or teacher first as they will just say no. Later this gives you the ability to go to the teacher or principal and say, "We would like to request such and such. We have inquired as to district policy and understand they would support this option".
