"And...sorry to say the skills have not improved with time, because the coping mechanisms I was using are simply inadequate to manage mothering 3 kids and a house with a husband who works 80 hours a week."
Gosh, that sounds tough, did you end up taking meds? Have you tried fish oil (Omega 3?)
Verona, does your son put together legos or models for hours too? My DD would make great clay creatures and spend lots of time putting in details, she also would spend a lot of time practicing an instrument, is there a difference between hyper-focusing and just choosing to focus on what you are interested in and choosing not to do stuff that seems pointless?
I guess that is one of the things that throws me, my DD said she saw most schoolwork as pointless since she mastered the material quickly, and being told to do the work just for the sake of the almighty grade just didn't cut it. That made lots of sense to me but when I mentioned this to the psych, he said "well that's just the excuse".
