zhian - I get what you are saying, and I do agree with the principle of what you are saying. I do find it upsetting when I see adults treating children as 'not quite people' and I agree that where needs to be mutual respect. Absolutely 'because I said so' won't cut it, at least not very often or for very long.
But the thing is, being a parent is hard, hard, HARD, and I doubt anyone can do it without at least occasionally making decisions counter to their principles. And because mutual respect doesn't happen early, and children - even gifted ones - don't have the ability to always accurately predict the future, it is always a balancing act.
I'll give you an example. My LO still wears diapers to sleep. Every morning he has to get up and take his diaper off. And because he doesn't like transitions - every morning he fights it. Every morning we restate the case: you have to take your diaper off because you will get a diaper rash, etc, etc, etc. And every morning he screams NOOOOO! and throws himself on the floor. On a good morning I can go through the list, talk him into it, get the nappy off and then get on with the day. On a morning where I have been up 5-6 times and been lucky to sleep for four interrupted hours all night, and its the 3rd night in a row like that? Well, I'm only human and it is very likely to become "Just take the diaper off now!"
The other thing you probably have picked up on now is that this is an area where parents disagree with each other. (Just visit a few mothers groups sheesh!) You are also in the position on this board where you are going to be placed as an 'outsider' criticizing 'insider' behavior. So be warned! LOL!
But, as I said, even the most well intentioned parent is going to loose it occasionally. Because being a parent is really, really hard.
ETA: I just wanted to make it clear I was thinking of parents I know irl, in case any pp thought I was talking about them.
