Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion I need help, please... Discipline issues

Hi, KD976--
I'll warn you that our son really only got into the groove of charts or point systems around age 6 or so, so it will depend on your child whether this works for you at age 5.

Things that made this kind of system work for us:

--Absolutely key: They should reward concrete, specific, positive behaviors that you have taught him. It should not ever be "you were good all morning, here's a sticker." That means absolutely nothing to him: it's unclear what's being rewarded. (And being that general and vague is why systems like this often fail.) It has to be very concrete: "You just put your dish in the dishwasher, thank you, you EARNED a sticker." (or point, whatever). You can pick a couple of things to work on first; then as those are mastered, move on.

--If you are taking away points, you should be very clear about the reason, and use it instead of yelling/making an emotional fuss. Keep it very matter of fact so you don't make him anxious, which will only make things worse in our experience. "You earned negative three points for hitting your sister. Hurting other people is against the rules." This has to happen right after the incident, so the connection is made.

--You need to make clear what the available privileges are and how they are earned, so he is invested in the system. As you say, he can be defiant and decide he doesn't want toys and not buy in; but at our house, most things DS wants can be defined as privileges, so it is worth his while to stay on the plus side.

--You have to be willing to really stay on top of it over a period of many weeks. It is serious work. If you start, and then abandon it, it won't be worth much.

I just now put together that you are the same person I have been having a conversation with over on the 2E board; I can only say that your description of having trouble with discipline really reminds me of how our child with Asperger's was at that age. I know your ped. doesn't see it, but if you can get a more qualified expert on board to evaluate more thoroughly, I think it would be an excellent idea. Giftedness can make it very difficult to get an accurate diagnosis for LDs and autism spectrum disorders, but a thorough eval may get you better help for your DS.

HTH,
DeeDee