When DS was very little and very challenging I took all his toy away. That darn kid is so creative. I soon realized he did not need any toys to have fun or keep busy and this would never work.
Time outs are very helpful.
One on one time is also very important and effects behavior.
What we found that really worked the best with ongoing problems is talks away from the moment. Motivation was always very strong. We talked about what makes a boy feel good about himself and appropriate problem solving. When ever I can get my children to do something because they think it is the right thing to do rather than becuase it's what Mom and Dad wants it's better.
Try to avoid power struggles. This is hard for me to remember but sometimes I just walk away and say I know you will do the right thing. Or sometimes, when they do the wrong thing I say I'm surprized you made that choice. How could you do this better next time.
When I have a hard day. I read a parenting/gifted book and try to find or renew a focus that can help.
Take some breaks. It will help you deal with all of this.
I hope this helps.
