Yeah, Austin's a different world. �Very hippy, very nice! �I'm just outside of Laredo here. �It's the land that time forgot and definately it's own little world. �So friendly and polite here. �Population 620. �When I walk with my jogging stroller many neighbors stop to see if I need a ride home, etc... �When someone dies or is sick the whole town knows the same day and takes a collection to help. �
My main concern with the discipline is when he starts karate in a few months I will have to wait in the lobby, and after that pre-k and then school. �He Might get kicked out of karate for acting the way he does with me. �I go with the debate approach because I know it works over time and without ugly family drama. �Like the potty training. �I argued with him verbally for six months but did not do anything else -make him sit on the pot, schedule a routine, ... So he would have self-control. �My mom told me, now that you've argued with him you've taught him it's ok to argue with adults, he's going to argue with the teacher when he goes to school. �I just tell my son what I think. �In that case it was, I hate changing diapers. �I hate poopy diapers. �You're going to have to start using the potty. �Nobody else poops in their pants. �He would say, I don't poop in the potty. �I poop in my pamper because I'm a baby. �(if you're old enough to argue about it, c'mon). �Then I heard about potty candy and bam! Same day potty training. �Done! �But I think the six month debate helped because potty candy didn't work on my nephew. �And my poor dear husband wants a "normal" family life. �It bothered the heck out of him that our son wouldn't use a high-chair ever, but would stand on a people chair at the table. �He would argue and get so frusterated about it. �Sit your butt in the chair. �Honey, why don't you make him listen? He needs to sit down. �I said, I don't care if he sits or stands as long as he stays in his seat and isn't loud. �He used a fork and a napkin he just couldn't see his plate sitting down. �He'll sit when he's bigger, I'd say. �Then he needs a highchair, everybody else's kid is sitting in a highchair, he needs to listen, the hubby'd say. �I've got that book A Parents Guide to Gifted Children which sadly agrees with my husband, that we should be on the same page about this. �(never been on e-bay or Craig's list, but Amazon has me on speed dial. �Oops!).�
Now the arguing has taken an age-related twist- Wyatt's yelling during the arguements or when he doesn't get his way. �When he does that to me I'm taking the slow road again. �I either put him in the other room and close the door or I go in the other room and close the door and tell him I don't want to talk to you talking like that. �I don't want to be around you acting like that. �Modeling how I want him to handle hostile situations and agressive people. �Which is more long-term. �If it's something unavoidable like a seatbelt I do what needs done myself and ignore his cries. �After a while he says I'm done crying now. �I say, oh, you are? �And leave it at that. ��
So, Wyatt wouldn't put his seatbelt on the way to town. �Honey stops the car in the driveway and says, "Put you're seatbelt on." "No, I don't want to put my seatbelt on." Then they were in a yelling match- "you're not going to win.". "I'm not going to listen to you.". "as long as you're living under my roof you will do what I tell you.". (literally said that. �LoL.). Then the husband finally puts the seatbelt on and says, "ha- you didn't win.".
I think we have two different goals here-he wants him to not get in trouble with teachers and the sensei, and to comply with their authority, and I want him to grow up mellow and never learn how to lock horns. �I'm willing to keep him out of karate until he's willing to listen. �I'm willing and able to tell him, if you don't behave at school I won't let you go to school. �I know he'll want to go. �He wants to be where the action is. �Realistically he's probably going to be the teachers pet anyway. �Kindergarten teachers are good with that age. �And the sensei wouldn't say he could start karate at 3 if he didn't know how to handle three-year-olds. �
So, yes, that hippy line in that book about punishment only cultivating more stubborness and stronger defiance really does define my deepest hidden fear. �And the hubby just wants a well behaved kid who's welcome everywhere. �Wyatt is well behaved and well-loved by strangers and neighbors alike. �Both of our discipline fears are more about future events unfolding in our minds, and since our past lives were so different we're trying to prevent two different sets of problems. �That's why I ask about gifted discipline because it addresses the strong-willed indifference to co-ersion, the child's too effective over-reaction, but also would address how to fit the timeline of school comming up, etc..
We've done a lot of things right and have a great kid to start with. We've got "the Happiest toddler on the block." DVD �I didn't think it was worth the price. �But my toddler never raged like that to start with, so it didn't meet my needs. �He's more precise with his defiance. �The worst thing he did, which has at least has stopped, was when he was very little and didn't get his way he would slam his forehead against anything hard-table, floor. �Only once and so hard he'd leave a bruise on his forehead everytime, and then look you right in the eye. �He was very little when he started this. �And that really showed me that even like his cognative development is different so is his attitude. �Other babies slam their head repeatedly and kick and thrash from anger, mine clearly communicates that he thinks he's the one in control of himself. �I don't want to argue the point, as long as he'll behave.
�� �I'm worried that letting him get worked up will feed the negative intensities and teach him to lock horns in an arguement, which really would get him kicked out of class and get him in trouble.� (the ones that look similar to ADD and Bipolar and ,maybe, Aspbergers, not sure, just hearing about that one online, but are really just born of frusteration and heightened sensitivity, and good defenses, not medical conditions). �I'm not sure my husband believes in these things. �And my husband worries that if we don't let him get worked up and fight "the system" (us) and lose then he will think he's in control of everyone, and that we're afraid of his emotions. �I think we both have good points and we often go back and forth, luckily we're pretty drama-free for working togeather from such opposing views? �Is this just the difference between a mother's eyes and a father's eyes?
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