This is were I am at right now. I just wonder if I never came up with the label how different things would be. And then my fear of hothousing is there so I really find myself holding her back. She learned everything from play and what you described is my DD in a nut shell. She goes to the playground all the time, weather permitting. She plays with play doh and through that adds and subtracts as she plays. Talks about colors and shapes, etc. while playing with the play doh. Baking has been a big part of her life and she learned important math out of that. This morning she was all about musical instruments and played the piano for a while and pulled out her guitar which freaks me out. I can take the same guitar and it sounds like tar but she uses it a lot like the movie August Rush where he got hold of the guitar and explored it. Hitting it in certain areas to hear the notes and she already understands the keys and how turning them tunes the guitar and will work on it forever. Her dad plays guitar and his dad played guitar so I am sure it runs in the family. But even my DH admits that her approach to it all is weird but very interesting. So again ... she discovers everything through playing so bringing in workbooks for her to do just feels like I am a pushy mom. I think I decided the best thing to do is leave them on the shelf and wait until she is in preschool and see if she makes that connection.
So I question if I didn't know the term gifted and just kept with her cues would she be even more advanced now? I find myself holding her back partly b/c I don't want her to be bored in kindergarten. But even before knowing she was gifted she was equal to a first grader and some second grade curriculum so really how much can I hold her back when she discovers everything on her own? I have also noticed (big sigh) that her cognitive abilities are even more advanced in the last few weeks. We usually get the giggles from visual reference but now she gets the verbal jokes. She just gets a lot more then she used to and now her complex sentences which were already complex by the time she was 18 months are even more complex. If she was at a 6 -7 yr old in verbal before I have no idea what she is at now. So conversations around her gets interesting to say the least.
That's how it was with both of my kids. Now that my eldest is 5 (almost) we are starting "formal" school. I use the term "formal" very loosely. To this day, however, I am always worried that I might be hothousing and not even realize it. The thing is, I know I am not doing any such thing, not even close. Being pushy, drilling my kids, etc. is waaaaaay too much work. It's absolutely not my personality to do such things. I just work to keep up with my kids. It's so true what they say about being dragged along for the ride.
And yes, sometimes, "keeping up" means I purchase workbooks for them (they are under no obligation to use them). Other times it means, I make up flash cards or some other learning "tool" to help one of my kids with something when they ask, etc. In short it means doing what ever is needed at the time. Despite this, the doubt re: hothousing still lingers.
I haven't been fully ablt to shrug off the "hothousing" shadow that, sometimes, creeps in. Some days the shadow is almost overpowering and I feel paralyzed. There's this internal struggle, "No, I can't talk to my DD about X, even though she's interested in it; that's a topic for older kids. Discussing it now would be pushy" or I find myself watering down topics for my DD despite the fact that she has shown a readiness to learn/know them in a way that is more advanced than the version I share with her. This leaves her feeling confused and unsure of herself. Afterall if her own mother is dumbing down things for her, how else is she to feel about her abilities.
The question is, if I had never been told that I must be hothousing - afterall how else would a, then 2 year old, know how to read - and if I'd never been informed of normal child development (I had read the charts, but thought perhaps I had been pointed to the wrong information
) would I have ever had any idea that explaining about "the silent e" to a 16 month old was "advanced" or that it was "hothousing" to buy an insect field guide and magnifying glass for a 20 month old and let her go to town learning about insects their morphology, habitats, etc. or purchasing a 1st grade "comprehensive" workbook for a 3 year old because she begged for it and finished half of it in less than a month on her own volition... (Yes, these are some examples of things that I have had denounced as "hothousing" by now ex-friends.)
...Still, had I not been informed about "hothousing", etc. I would have continued to do all the fun things my kids loved without hesitation. Now, there's constantly this pause when I must convince myself that it's okay to do what I would normally do, which is to follow my children's needs (not be a puppet, but to do what I know is best for them and their personalities) and encourage their interests and explorations.
I'm okay with knowing the term "Gifted". It's helpful to me and finally clued me into why the milestone charts were so *off* for my kids. The term "hothousing", well, I could have done without knowing it. Any person who really knows me and my children know that "hothousing", simply, isn't something that happens in my home. Yet, I do know the term and it *does* affect me. It makes me hesitant to do things that I know my children would love and that would benefit them. Sometimes it even causes me to avoid opportunities altogether for fear that I might seem to pushy or that others might perceive that my expectations are too high for my kids given their ages - even though I know that the expectations are on target for them as individuals. (If I could take my brain out of my head and scrub away what I know of "hothousing" and irradicate the negative affect it's had on me, I would).
And now on to the reason I started this response in the first place, kindergarten and this sentence:
If she was at a 6 -7 yr old in verbal before I have no idea what she is at now.
When my DD started preschool, she went for approximately 1.5 semester, her speech was very advanced. She had a strong grasp and utilataztion of proper grammar, decent diction, etc. By the time she was done with her preschool *stint*, her speech had changed to match the patterning of those she was around the most - kids around the age 2.5 - 3.5. Now at nearly 5, she does get on good rolls where her speech is more akin to what I had grown accustomed to before preschool. When I asked her about it, while she was attending preschool, her response was, "Oh mom! Kids my age don't talk like that!"
I'm not saying your DD will do this, but only that it's a possibility and not necessarily a terrible thing unless coupled with other negative personality changes.
