I am the typical sex abuse survivor. It was a relative and I was 7. And the college rape was date rape. The fact is, strangers usually aren't the ones doing this to our kids and I don't want to instill fear in them about strangers and toilet rape. I want them to feel confident. We did the "tricky people" lesson and it has worked. My fiercely independent child was leaving our yard (5) and walking down to the golf course while we slept to have a granola bar by himself. We were horrified when we found out, and every scenario of him being stolen entered my mind. But none of that happened. I did not tell him "someone could have taken you and killed you or raped you" I told him "it is irresponsible when you live with a group of people to depart without telling others where you are going. If you want some down time to yourself, you have to come inform me or your father of your need for it".
And for what it is worth, my mom hovered me totally and I was never allowed to go into a public bathroom alone. I grew up very fearful, and it didn't save me from being sexually abused, or later raped. What I needed was ways to combat those situations, and recognize them. Not run from every potential stranger as a villain. When I was actually raped, I was left reeling about how I had not known to read my internal signals. How I had not known to get away. I was helpless and weak and unempowered. My kids are empowered to listen to their gut.
