the attitude of "take care of me" really scared me. Am I creating a child of the same ilk?
Well, hovering to the point that the child learns "I'm not really capable of managing any of this myself" sure does.
Saw that up close and personal time and time again when I spent time with my (now ex-) in-laws who were active in regional ADA advocacy. SOooooo many juvenile diabetics
never learn to be fully functional, independent adults in a meaningful sense.
You
have to deliberately allow mistakes when those mistakes are unlikely to have fatal consequences, I've decided. You also have to act very matter-of-fact about them taking on responsibilities for themselves, etc. NEVER act surprised when they succeed... only UNsurprised. "Oh, of course-- I don't know why you worried..." (even if you, personally, were TERRIFIED).
My DD is pretty independent, actually. She asks for
advice sometimes, and if I think she's in way over her head with something... I'll
ask if she wants my direct involvement/help... or not. I also respect her decision there, even if I disagree with it.
Really, this is not rocket science, it's about honoring/respecting the child's growing autonomy, and having FAITH that they will be sufficiently competent to manage what they need to take on.
Just the same, though, the risk with helicopter/high-intervention parenting is very real. I also think that this is a deep, deep flaw in the ideals behind
attachment parenting. It's great for 0-5. But then you need to start DE-taching, and too many parents don't.
