Originally Posted by Zen Scanner
Obediance and cooperation are different concepts. I get the best results with my son by telling him what we are doing, why we are doing it, and soliciting his input. I want him to be actively involved in goals amd contributing to how to achieve them, because I'm too lazy to do it for him forever and those are big life skills. I know many people don't care for an attachment parenting style, but a respect and communication centric approach works for me.

Yes.

I do actually understand wanting a child to do work during spring break- but she has to have a good understanding of the why- and so does the parent. Last spring, DS8 (then 7) had an awful time maintaining a schedule at school. He would get sidetracked between works, forget to get his work signed off and have days where he didn't get his work done at all, opting instead to complain and stonewall. Over the summer, I told him he was going to practice having academic work that he got done in a timely fashion. I told him that the goal was for him to be able to complete work without distraction, whining or stonewalling. He understood the WHY of work during summer break. I put together workbooks that were interesting to him (and frankly not overly challenging) and I let him choose four extremely short assignments that could be finished in 45 minutes or less total. When he'd whine, I reminded him of the "why" and explained that his whining was showing me that he still needed to work on it. By middle of vacation he was zooming through his stuff early in the morning with the rest of the day to play. A few weeks later and I told him he'd mastered what I wanted him to master and could take the rest of summer (a few weeks) completely off.

If this is really about behavior- make it about behavior and don't worry about the subject matter much. Perhaps tell her you need her to learn to work cooperatively with you and that she's going to practice it until its mastered. Define mastery to her (a set number of days repeating the behavior) and if she masters it- let her have the rest of vacation time off.