hi there, MegMeg!
stuff like this is so touchy, and while i don't have any real insight on the workload question - your mention of the manipulation and power-struggles sort of rang a bell!
about a year ago our daughter (then 4) suddenly started to assert her (strong) personality and WHINE FUSS FLOP (ps - love that) came into our lives. after a lot of thought, we finally realized that manipulation was her only strategy, so we decided to offer her another, more productive one - the Family Round Table.
it's not a regular event, but any family member can request a Round Table, and we book it for Sunday evening so we're not having one every 5 seconds. it's really taken the pressure off of everyone to be able to just calmly say, "uh, this sounds like a Round Table discussion - let's defer until then." it sort of bleeds out the tension of the moment, and the actual meeting becomes something everyone looks forward to because it's such a safe place to negotiate/hear everyone's expectations and concerns.
maybe something like this might help you get to the bottom of this particular issue and figure out whether it's a big thing, a small thing or nothing to worry about? it's worked really well for us on those kinds of questions...
in any case, good luck!!
