I feel for her, too-- though we definitely don't let her SEE that very often. Self-pity doesn't really solve anything, unfortunately. The one bit of very good news is that she tends toward introversion naturally, so she doesn't find not having a lot of close friends to be that awful most of the time, and would probably choose this over "too much" social contact.
I do think that her innate disposition (probably not the right term) may allow her to recover her intact self very well-- but recovering that inner core is my top priority because I've literally NEVER known another person like her. She is an amazing treasure. Oh, sure, she's very bright and interesting to talk to-- but that isn't what is so remarkable about her.
She's just got this-- self-contained, self-possessed THING about her. She's very passive but immovable, if that makes sense. It's this core inside her that nothing really "touches" without her explicit, conscious permission. She is just about the only person I've ever known who seemingly CANNOT remain angry at another person on her own behalf. That negative stuff just passes through her without sticking; she expects little from others, and doesn't take it personally when they are all too human. She's not the Dalai Lama or anything (well, I don't think so, anyway)-- she can be mouthy and snotty... but she's pretty much never petty or mean-spirited, and I don't think she has held a grudge over ANYTHING (and believe me, she's seen plenty that would lead me to have some grudges). She can take pretty in-your-face discrimination and just shrug about it-- it doesn't "own" her long term, or eat at her. I can't really describe it in terms that make any sense, but it's unmistakable and almost eerily super-human. It's definitely part of what I consider her "gifts" socially-- it's a kind of awareness of others' inner landscape and capabilities-- she never asks for more than another person can deliver, or resents their shortcomings. She just accepts and mostly forgives. As a parent, I can't begin to describe how humbling it is to sheepishly apologize for losing your temper at your 6yo and have solemn, knowing eyes reassuring you that it's already been forgiven because you were just being human.
Really, letting this other kid get inside that firewall of hers and misjudging him so completely? A complete aberration, and to her-- a full system failure. To her, "how did this happen" is a pretty important question in light of that.
I think we're hoping for just that, DeHe. If she can get someone to help her see that she shouldn't feel ashamed and should accept that she made mistakes, this is what they were, now that we know that, moving along...
We just don't want to see her repeat the mistake, because she draws unstable/wounded/hurting people to her like moths to a flame (I suspect, and so do others who know her, that it's this very inner serenity that is so appealing), so it won't be the last time that she runs into one of this kind.
I'm finally seeing signs that she's recovering inside, so that is one huge relief to me. I was so afraid that this had damaged that core in her-- and that really would have been a horrible thing. Like defacing a natural wonder or something.
