The nice thing about CBT is that it's good for rational-type people. It can feel like debugging the brain. Even when dealing with nasty, emotional topics, there is an element of trying to figure out where the brain went wrong and how not to do that again.
DeeDee
Yes, this. Thank you for understanding what I was trying to say.
DD has a built-in vulnerability that I'm not sure she CAN eliminate without changing who she is--
she wanted a real connection with a true peer. She wanted it so badly that she was willing to ignore red flags, and the abuser was pretty savvy about her weaknesses (having studied her at some length prior to engaging with her). So what is the answer? Insulate herself from authentic human needs? Make herself less kind and accepting of others' faults? Be more judgmental? I'm not sure that she can do any of those things and still be who she is. If she changes who she is in order to abuse-proof herself... then hasn't the abuser won the ultimate prize, in some respects? He's then truly destroyed what was amazing, unique, and admirable about her.
It may really be painful for her to come to terms with that dichotomy. It's proving very hard for her dad, that's for sure.
I'm of the opinion that she has to find a way to establish mindful boundaries for herself, and note when those tripwires are disturbed in a relationship. To do that, I think she's going to need to evaluate what happened here in very painstaking terms-- because the signs were there, all right; but they were very subtle indeed initially.
The school counselor's "helpful" advice was:
group work with a peer group (this AFTER we explained to her that DD feels quite lonely because she does NOT connect/relate as deeply/authentically as she's needing-- to either chronological or academic peers)
artistic expression as therapy
Both suggestions struck my DD as (mostly) evidence of just how little the counselor understands about her or how she thinks or feels about pretty much anything at all. Clearly there seems to be very little therapeutic benefit in that particular relationship. The counselor really doesn't "get" what it might mean to be a PG adolescent, nevermind what it might mean to be my DD in particular. She felt that it was "not relevant" whether or not my DD felt "validated" in her beliefs about what happened to her, and she was repeatedly advising DD to "let go of those negative emotions" which was also ridiculous in that DD is still trying to parse events in some very basic ways (like running the day-to-day through the "was this a healthy interaction" filter) as she remembers things slowly. This counselor also was convinced that this was about a lack of emotional maturity in my DD-- which is so far from the reality of this situation that it is sort of mind-boggling how anyone who knows her could get to that mindset. It's so superficial and frustrating.
Anyway. We have an appointment with someone locally, but it isn't until Feb. We will continue to run down our list of therapists with the right background and interests and hopefully find someone who clicks with DD.
