DD has a built-in vulnerability that I'm not sure she CAN eliminate without changing who she is-- she wanted a real connection with a true peer. She wanted it so badly that she was willing to ignore red flags, and the abuser was pretty savvy about her weaknesses (having studied her at some length prior to engaging with her). So what is the answer?
One answer is to learn the tells to when you should start thinking about red flags.
And if you see a red flag, you should *think* about it and not ignore it.
So, if you learn the tells/red flags, then you can still be open...but if you see one..and then two...and then three...well, then you should start watching things carefully.
That's what I'm thinking, too.
It's an approach that has (finally) led me to a happier place as an adult. I simply
can't bring myself to just be perpetually suspicious of people in a general sense. Can't do it and still be me, YK?
I see that same streak in DD.
But to do this, she's going to have to be brave enough to face her shame in being taken for a ride-- at least well enough to turn things over in her mind and look for the cracks in the facade that she missed the first time.
That will be painful-- because it means going back through your own memories, and reliving the emotional content, even knowing that some of those emotions were elicited by lies or misdirection. Lots of humiliation there for someone who has "perceptive" and "smart" as part of her self-image.
The alternative is not learning from this, though, and that strikes me as infinitely worse as bargains go.
