Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Systematic Desensitization over summer break?

Thanks. It's hard to imagine where I would be if I didn't have you all to think this through with. Sorry so long but writing this out helps to clarify my thinking and also gives you the opportunity to help with any advice, expertise, experience you may have. Thanks in advance.

It has really, truly become an unreasonable situation since the former DSS left. You are right that just because this has become personal for the principal I don't have to respond in kind. I DO have to make sure that I remain as reasonable as humanly possible. I am not interested in fighting with the district - I am interested in getting my child an education. To do this we need to ensure not only her LD issues are being addressed (and I believe that they are) but also that her anxiety is not triggered to the point that she develops full blown school refusal. If she cannot enter or remain in her classroom for a full day, day in and day out, she by definition - I believe anyway - is not being provided the opportunity to access her free and appropriate public education. It really is that simple.

So after the meeting the other day and all the debate over whether or not we submit her for a psychiatric consult it appears to be a moot point. The district came back and said their lawyer wants us to agree to mediation with a mediator provided by the dept of education. We said "Only if you plan to pay our legal fees." We had already come to the realization that mediation would be fruitless - there is barely any chance of coming to any sort of meaningful conclusion and the $3k-$4k it would cost in legal fees is better spent paying for the psychotherapist until our insurance approves her or being put towards legal fees later if we get to due process. Our consultant reiterated 'This is all about a color chart - a color chart!" The new DSS said that she thought "it's about a lot more than that" - apparently our dissatisfaction with the entire school situation. Consultant tried to explain that no, it is really just about providing a classroom that will not instantly trigger her anxiety. Somehow this message is not getting through to them. Ever since the former DSS - who is trained as a school psychologist and was the ONLY person from the district who seemed to understand the anxiety issues at play - moved on we are left discussing this with people who have absolutely no clue. The lack of training and oversight is really, really scary.

So we have decided to focus ONLY on how we are going to get DD through the crisis we see looming before her. We will start with the psychotherapist next week even if insurance is not approved. We will discuss with her how to tell DD that yes, she will be in a classroom with a color chart. I am leaning towards asking the therapist to tell her. This way I don't have to be the bad guy, it reduces their ability to claim that we somehow intentionally triggered her by catastrophizing (sp? spell check isn't recognizing my word - sorry) the situation and it gives her the ability to document in a clinical way how she responds. Right now she is truly a happy, cheerful, confident, outgoing little girl. We are trying to enjoy it while it lasts and think it will be meaningful for the therapist to see her like this while school is not in session.

We will also come up with a plan with our pediatrician about how to handle the anxiety once it is triggered. From my reading I am now understanding that we technically already had a school refusal situation last year. Not only did she ask most days not to go but for months she spent some or most of just about everyday in the nurses office. I was called to pick her up early more than 30 times in the last few months of school. I eventually started offering "rewards" for staying in her classroom all day. Luckily it worked - she still had headaches most days but refused to go to the nurse. Instead she would tell the teacher "I feel awful but I'm toughing it out."

My rule was she HAD to go to school unless she had a fever. There were weeks at a time that she insisted on taking her temperature every morning before heading to the school bus. (Luckily I had thought to back off the first rule - you have to go unless you have a fever or are throwing up. THAT could have been ugly...) At the worst of it our pediatrician wanted us to pull her out of school - suggesting home schooling or home bound tutoring. We decided against it feeling that we didn't want to establish a precedent of her not having to go to school since we had a really good teacher and classroom for her. That is going to be different this year. After the last IEP meeting pediatrician and I discussed it and she said "If they are intentionally antagonizing her anxiety then no, she cannot be there." I am leaning towards setting up something in advance like - 3 days in one week where she is at the nurses office more than twice, we are contacted to pick her up early or she refuses to go we trigger the home bound tutoring. We will also need to ensure that the classroom teacher records EVERY TIME she says she doesn't feel well, asks to go to the nurse or otherwise appears anxious. I am convinced that they will handle this situation by instructing the teacher NOT to send her to the nurse unless she is vomiting and instruct the nurse not to call us unless she has a fever or otherwise appears to be contagious. I believe that this will likely trigger absolute refusal and probably make the situation even worse...

So, as MoN pointed out I am focusing on my daughter - only my daughter. I did not enter this looking for a fight and I will not be dragged into one because of the principal's ego or the district being in chaos since losing the one person who fully understood the situation. I will not give up her rights to a free and appropriate public education. Nor will I send her into an intentionally antagonizing situation. If it gets to the point of needing home bound tutoring we will rely on the expertise of this therapist with experience is school phobia to formulate a plan. If necessary we will indeed go to due process to seek an out of district placement but we will do it only once we have been assured by legal council that we have dotted every "i" and crossed every "t" so that we can be successful. THEY are the ones that have the federal mandate to educate her. Personally I think it would be easier, cheaper and better for DD if they provided an appropriate classroom in her local public school but hey, what do I know, I'm only her mother...