Pemb, on recording:
Actually, we have a ritual at our meetings; I put my digital voice recorder on the table (you can get one at Best buy, or get iRecorder as an app for the iPad) and I say "would it be okay if we record? it's so hard for me to think and take really complete notes at the same time" [which we all know is a nice excuse] then the district person smiles and says "just so long as you know that we are also entitled to a copy of the recording on request." Done.
They've never needed the copies, we have never introduced them into a court case, but they were valuable evidence to have while we needed them. Plus: we found that people are nicer (less condescending, not as nasty) when being recorded.
A word of advice: now you've mentioned all those things, so they know about them. Don't make any more threats that you are not going to follow through on-- it looks like flailing, a bit, to them. If they do not agree to be reasonable in a way you and dd can live with, your best bet is not to threaten but to do.
You can send them a copy of your state dept of ed complaint, direct to the superintendent, when you file it, and so forth, if that is what your lawyer recommends.
I seem to remember that the private did not have the resources in place to handle dyslexia, anxiety, and all the other needs. Unless all that were to be paid for and added to the private scenario in a truly cooperative way involving the classroom teachers (this would be very hard to get), I still think your best bet is probably to straighten out the school you're in. I know that probably sounds insane, but that's what we did, and we were able to get the necessary people on the necessary learning curve so that our DS9 has had a few truly fabulous years there.
Good luck today,
DeeDee
