marytheres, I don't have time to reply with everything I have to say at the moment, but re the request for contact with the therapist - I think I would deny that by saying your son is not currently under the care of a therapist.
We ran into a very contentious situation with our older dd's school a few years ago where they requested us to sign off to allow school staff to contact her dr directly at any time. We were told that if we didn't sign they would not provide our dd with an IHP which she absolutely qualified for and needed. We absolutely trusted her drs but we didn't trust the school staff - the school nurse and the 504 administrator both were stubbornly insisting that our dd did not have the same medical issues that were clearly outlined on her routine medical forms filled out and signed by her dr. Our intuition, as well as comments made by the school staff on several occasions led us to believe the school woud use that contact to try to argue against our accommodations request (which btw was a very standard accommodation routinely given out in our school district). We were stuck in that we couldn't get the health plan without signing so we talked to our dds dr and they told us that a) they couldn't talk to the school staff without getting our explicit permission first due to HIPPA and b) they suggested we write a letter to them stating we did not give them permission to talk to the school staff unless they first contacted us.
One of our additional concerns in signing was privacy of records -the school nurse assured us that she was the only person who had access to dd's medical file, but in practice that wasn't really true, and the records weren't kept in a secure location.
Gotta run - I'll be back later
polarbear
Ps - another quick thought on 2e - does y school district have a person associated with the gifted department who deals with IEPs and 2e kids? I woud consider calling the gifted department supervisor and asking about this - if there is a contact person ask them for suggestions on the IEP. It might also be helpful to request that they attend the IEP meeting.
