I really appreciate everyone's input. It is really helpful. Obviously the unanimous voice here is the 2E school and find a way to get DD and DH more time together. That's the decision that I "owned" for months and fought so hard to get the district to approve. Interestingly not one person who knows us in RL has supported this option. Not one. It's an interesting dynamic. I realize that I have not shared as much with them about the 2E journey as I have here. Some of them understand the situation intellectually but they haven't experienced it first hand the way so many of you have. They can't relate to the feeling of relief I got talking to the folks at the 2E school and having them understand without having to be educated. They just can't relate...
It's not just they can't relate to what you are considering - just he act of considering will make some people feel judged, unconsciously or consciously they think you are doing something they would never consider so they are giving you all the reasons why it's a bad idea. Lots of people thought we were nuts - we thought choosing a yard and a big kitchen over my DS never having peers or learning anything in school and still having to be there for 7 hours was nuts. but since most of our "friends" would not see him as he really was because they felt it said something about their kids or their parenting. We chose his sanity over our comfort.
Cost is always an issue - and your attachment to your current home - but also how long she will need this school. Everyone here always says don't plan long term because things change but your situation is different - living a part for a year or two with hope of mainstreaming her is very different than if she will need this school long term. Because if this is where she needs to be until she graduates HS, then selling and moving and having DS commute is the only feasible option that keeps the family together. But you don't have to decide that now, you could try the school, make sure it is what you hoped it would be and then relocate.
And I apologize if this is overstepping, feels like I am psychoanalyzing you, but it seems to me that having won what you wanted for DD, suddenly your DH and you are getting cold feet for what it will mean for you both.
DeHe
