HUGS, none are perfect unfortunately, but there is no way I personally would do number 2 for my DD. Seriously, what the heck is with that director. Just wrong on so many levels. I would be running for the hills and would not even consider it.
Number 3 would be a maybe, but I would really want for my understanding of giftedness and for there to be some peers but that is a perfect world right? Number one sounds ideal although being a way from home and not with your dh could definitely but a strain on finances and not to mention the marriage itself. So those would be huge considerations. I would definitely consider the idea of a move halfway between the 2 if at all possible, then a commute for both of yall but together as a family. Sigh. I wish I had some good answers for you, Looks like yall have some tough decisions ahead.

DD6- DYS
Homeschooling on a remote island at the edge of the world.