Just don't go near #2. Any school that thinks that they know everything and parents could not offer ANYTHING useful to the process of educating any child (let alone your child), nor could any outside professionals is just scary SCARY territory. Even without their attitude towards you and your DD when you were there.
Homeschool would still make most sense to me. Or otherwise #1 with DH visiting as much as possible.
When we had only one child my DH commuted to work 4 days a week for about 18 months and really it worked very well, yes I went a bit nuts when his flight home got delayed on a Friday night, but honestly the level of routine and structure it gave the weeks was quite good for us and we were SO focused on family time when he was home, in a way we often fail to be now.
Many families have a parent working FIFO and make it work (not always I am sure). Although you are talking about you and your DD being the ones that come and go from the family home it's still a pretty common dynamic for Dad to be less present during the week. Even adoring & involved dads. I grew up with a family whose dad worked FIFO for nearly two decades and was an exceptional father and husband, marriage still going strong into retirement, children grown into beautiful adults with great relationships with both parents. In fact it worked so well that the mother was quite appalled when he was pushed into a desk job at home, though they seem to have adapted to that too. It's not a lifestyle most people dream of - but that doesn't prevent you from making it work, and really you have far more control over making the outside of school life work than you have control over what school does.
If homeschool is out and these are your options then I say choose the only possible school option and put your amazing skills and energy into making the lifestyle work - it will be a far easier battle than what you've just lived through. NONE of your cons for option #1 are about the school directly.
