Remind me of the size of your family? Option 1 would involve your other kids not seeing you during the week, right? That sounds like it would be really hard, and hard to dispel the notion that you would be "favoring" DD8.

I don't think I could send her to option #2 in good conscience while the current director is there. Do you have any feel for how involved she would be in DD's program?

None of these options are great, as you already know. Are there activities close to option 3 that she could do after school, moving your commute time to a less congested time of day?