Quick update: we decided to withdraw DD from her new, university-based preschool and keep her in her existing parks and rec school.
I think things are boiling down to me accepting responsibility for rounding out her education at home, and us not expecting a preschool to meet all of her educational needs. As my cousin said of his DD, who was reading the newspaper at 4.5, "we have her go to preschool to learn to stand in line." All the rest we can do - and are already doing - at home.
As for my wanting help with reading... about 6 months ago DD read a few words on her own. I freaked out a little, and went completely hands-off. Well, now I've calmed down and it doesn't scare me to help her if she wants help. Also, I was wrong about the class being all 3 year olds - there 25 kids aged 3.7 to 4.5 and DD is second to youngest. The teacher did note that, after two days, they were surprised to see how advanced she is, except for holding her fork at lunch. lol
