Actually, many philosophies of homeschooling recommend deschooling first. That's not just an unschooling thing. I completely agree that it is a good first step, especially if a child has been in a bad school situation.
Wyldkat, like you, I have seen a couple of people using unschooling as an excuse for what looks very much like educational neglect to me. I don't accept that as true unschooling personally (but, then, what do I know...). I just figure that I don't know what's really going on behind closed doors. I'm not sure what else you can do in those cases.
As for a definition of unschooling...
Some people have considered my family to be unschoolers because I have a whole bunch of materials for my son to choose from, but what we do in a given day tends to be child-led. We have some textbook/workbook stuff around--though we also use lots of less traditional "school" staples. When we do use text/workbooks, we don't go through them lockstep, and he does most of the work by himself, for himself. I'm more of a resource than a "school at home" teacher.
OTOH, some people would say that we are definitely NOT unschoolers because DS8 is expected to do at least a little bit from each subject every week (maybe not every day, depending on what the week is like). He is not permitted to ignore math for weeks on end, for example. And we do use workbooks and such, and some would say that unless we are baking cookies or making pizzas when we do fractions--something organic and hands-on--it can't be unschooling!
So which is right?
Who knows. It depends on how you define the term unschooling.
I read a great definition that suggested that unschooling done right is actually MORE work for the parent than school at home in many ways, since a the unschooler has to have an assortment of appropriate resources on hand at all times and must be ready to use them when the child chooses. The school-at-homer just has to have read the teacher's guide for the day's assignment. That's oversimplified, but it makes some sense to me. On that spectrum--which may or may not be a useful one to anyone but me!--I'm closer to the unschooler. <shrug>
Maybe that helps to clarify why it's confusing, at least?
