This is a bit long -- even by my standards -- so please, grab a cup of coffee and bear with me.
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We're meeting with our DS7's 4th grade teacher next week for our annual "Can we please work together to challenge our son" conversation that is always such a joyous experience.
We've had this talk at the beginning of each year since he started school. But somehow I've not been terribly effective in getting my point across, as he's continued to essentially coast through every year so far.
And I'm already beginning to see some warning signs.
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In reading through stories of other adult gifties on the internet, I came across a poignant recollection that could have been pulled from my own journal -- applying to both my son
and myself:
"... I had some really specific strengths - namely, learning things very quickly. For instance, I began while in kindergarten and progressed quickly, playing complex pieces by 2nd grade, with a minimum of practice and attention.
I continued to progress easily in piano until I got to the REALLY hard pieces and then I suddenly was overwhelmed. My facility for quickly mastering pieces all at once without laboriously learning them part by part was not helpful when I reached the point where that approach was no longer possible.
And then I found I had developed NO perseverance, NO skills for breaking things up and making them manageable. So I stalled, panicked, crashed and burned. And felt like a fraud.
This happened within every [realm of my supposed talents].
It turns out I had some major deficits in planning actions. I had always worked so quickly that I didn't have to reflect on how I did something or learned something.
Now as an adult I have no freaking idea how to do something that doesn't come quickly and easily to me."
I've never really been able to verbalize what has been bothering me all these years, but after reading this story, the proverbial light bulb popped over my head.
Things were almost always too easy... I was rarely, if ever, challenged during school. I'd been allowed to skip along without ever breaking a sweat, or cracking a text book.
This didn't bother me a bit in school. I really did enjoy every single year, never feeling bored enough to complain about it. (I was quite active in extracurriculars and student gov't, which helped guard against boredom.)
But immediately upon entering college -- before classes ever got difficult -- I realized how horribly unprepared I was.
Studying? What's that? Take notes? Are you high?
I figured that everyone else was as truly shocked as I was, so I muddled along best I could without complaining. I ended up dropping out within several months after a distressful first round of final exams. All of my academic efforts had led to that singular moment -- I became a quitter.
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And then I came across the above passage a few years back. I immediately copied it to my journal. And was finally able to put into words what I wanted for my son:
appropriate challenges.
He needs to learn what hard academic work entails. He needs to fight with a shiny new concept -- even struggle with it -- and push his way over the hump to an understanding.
He needs to learn tenacity, perseverance, doggedness.
He needs to learn that he's not going to wake up every day already knowing the answers. That he's not going to sit down at the piano and be able learn a piece without any frustration. That he's not always going to blaze through a full year of math in less than 30 days. He needs to miss some spelling words, and *gasp* maybe even fail a test or two.
And learn from it.Despite all my best efforts with his teachers, he's managed to get through his first four years of school without ever once being truly stumped. As a result, he's been conditioned to think that everything is going to be a *snap*. That no effort is necessary.
That this is as hard as it gets.And if I let this continue, I fear that he will find himself several years from now in the same position I was in. If that happens, I will be largely, if not fully responsible.
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Other than a couple of logic puzzles given as a time-filler one week in 2nd grade, the closest thing to a "challenge" for him at school has been 2-digit long division. And it was only "challenging" because he thought he should be able to do it entirely in his head (which he couldn't) and he was genuinely insulted that he should have to actually write down some work in order to get an answer. That's it -- that's the very pinnacle of academic difficulty he's encountered.
But when I approach a teacher explaining that he needs to be challenged in class, they always give me "that" look. "He already works hard," they say. "He has fun," they add. "He doesn't complain about being bored."
OF COURSE HE DOESN'T COMPLAIN!
He's having too much fun! He gets to read for much of the day and pester his neighbors!
When I told them that he'd already mastered the 4th grade math concepts, and that he's solid on a majority of the 5th grade math, and then requested that they compact 5th & 6th grade math (or more) this year... well... you know. They weren't smiling.
"Quit trying to push him... he's only in 4th Grade. Let him enjoy himself."
And one counselor even popped in with the classic, "Besides, if he finishes 5th & 6th grade math this year, what will he do for the next two years?" ARGGHHH!!!
And here I sit. Wanting only to challenge him... maybe even PUSH him a little. But I am woefully unable to do it on my own.
Yeah -- having one of these gifties around is really a gosh-darned walk in the park, isn't it?.
I'm truly sorry for unloading like this, but I'm just stuck.
