madeinuk, I am (I think) pretty much the polar opposite of a hot-house parent, so I usually don't weigh in on threads like this because I feel like it just sounds like I'm disagreeable lol! Really I'm not
Anyway, a few thoughts from here -
I my own case, I have a pretty bright daughter that I try to create life enriching opportunities for to the best of my limited ability.
And really, isn't that what most parents do, just in different ways and from different points of view?
She is afterschooled in Maths - is this hot housing?
I'd call it hothousing if: 1) it's your idea, not your dd's idea and 2) you're doing it to keep ahead of some arbitrary grade level or achievement goal etc as opposed to doing it because your dd loves math and is simply interested in pursuing a personal passion. The exception to my arbitrary hot-housing definition is after-schooling in a subject such as math because a child is *behind* grade level and struggling.
shouldn't she be able to just through her school bag down when she gets home
Honestly, that's my goal for my kids - to be able to relax and have some fun. I think that we sometimes risk losing the best part of our children's intellect when we have them saddled down with constant tasks - even if the tasks are for good reasons. Most kids I know today (including my own) are so very scheduled - they are in school for most of the day, then have lessons and sports and clubs etc after school. When you add in homework, where's the time for just being a kid? To think outside the box, create, let your imagination run wild? To play with the neighbor kids? To just relax.
She also has 'an ear' and can pretty well tinker with a musical instrument like a recorder, xylophone or keyboard until she can make a passable tune. She also has taught herself to read music and usually just bangs out some stuff, just airs and improvisations for a few minutes on the piano to de-stress a bit when returning home from school. I do not have her in any piano lessons because ii am afraid to overcommit her time and take the fun away
She sounds a lot like my ds - he takes piano lessons, but not traditional classical music etc type lessons - his teacher is a professional musician who composes, and she focuses his lessons on a teeny bit technique and the rest improv and composition. DS loves it!
but by doing that am I a bad parent for not trying to help her develope an obvious aptitude?
I think a lot of gifted parents of gifted kids get really hung up on whether or not they should help their children develop strong skill sets. I also don't think those abilities and skill sets simply disappear as our children grow if they aren't in the forefront of being constantly nurtured. At some point, some day, our kids are going to find their own passions and as adults will no doubt fit those passions into their lives as best they can. I personally don't feel that it's going to make a difference 20 years down the road if my child won an award or a huge honor for studying music *if* he was put in the lessons by me simply because I felt he was talented. I feel that the lessons etc we choose for our children should be things that they can cultivate as an enjoyable pastime. And bonus if they are talented at it and earn high honors - that's great - as long as it's *their* success and they wanted it.
Similarly, should I just allow her to 'work thing out on her own' and just deal with life not really relating to her age peers and barely a hand full of grade peers as something of an ugly duckling or should I try to find opportunities for her to mingle with other such ducklings and try to help her to believe that she will soar as a swan one day?
If she's unhappy, do everything you can to find her peers she can enjoy and relate to. I wouldn't necessarily expect them to *have* to be high IQ peers either. Maybe find a sport or an activity through her music etc. Something she'd enjoy. By the same token, having her try out a DYS meet-up etc isn't helicoptering if you let her give it a try and then don't push her into it if it turns out it's not her thing.
I had her take the Explore and the SCAT tests to try and qualify for some residential classes this summer - am I engineering her life too much or just being loving and supportive parent?
You're engineering opportunities - that's what most involved parents do and it's not hot-housing unless you're engineering in detail. By having her take the tests, you've opened up the door for her to attend residential courses. If she wants to go, now she can. If she doesn't want to go, you don't have to send her. If she doesn't want to go and you force her to go... that might verge on over-helicoptering.
FWIW, my ds has attended the CTY Intensive Studies residential camps and he loved it. So it is possible for a self-confessed no-time-for-hot-housing-mom to send their kids to camp
polarbear
