I would suggest that you consider two issues in dealing with your DD at this point, academic fit and behavior and be working on both of them at the same time.

First, get her educational environment closer to her level. If you are going to keep her in this school, they are going to have to do something different for her while you all are working on the behavior issues. Otherwise, look for the school or situation that is going to be a better fit for her intellectually. I know you are doing some testing right now and that should help with figuring that out and may determine options. It did for us in that we were able to apply to a HG school.

Second, you have to get your DDs behavior in check. Don�t rely on the school to come up with a behavior plan � they will always go to the standard card system which I don�t think is that effective. I strongly recommend the Nurtured Heart Approach � get the Workbook. I have been trying it for the last month with my DS and it does work. I am not the best at it and I have slipped up some but really taking the time to emphasize and celebrate the positive about your kid is what it is all about and my kid seems to respond to it. It gives you a great opportunity to really highlight and praise the qualities and behaviors you want to see in your child. I am sure right now your DD is really beat down by what is going on and to give that praise is essential. Also, it will let your DD know that you have a plan and she can be confident in what you are doing too.

With respect to the school changing its way of looking at behavior, I pm�ed Grinity desperate for some help in this regard a few months ago and here is what she told me. (Grinity � I hope you don�t mind me sharing). Much of what was suggested we have done over the last few months and it is much better right now.

1) Make a behavior chart � one sheet of paper that contains 3 specific behaviors � 1 should be a real problem, the other not as bad a problem and one a gimme behavior.

2) For each behavior it is not an all of nothing � it should have 'poor' 'fair' 'good' 'great'

3) State the rule as a negative (I know this isn't popular, but Intense kids need crystal clear boundaries) example: No Yelling, No touching, No crying, No moving out of seat while teacher is talking. Eventually you'll be able to use a less concrete rule like 'No disrupting'

My DS�s rules are No Touching Other Students or Their Things and No Disobeying The Teacher (at home it is Take No For an Answer and No Whining) and No Throwing Food.

4) Leave a blank slot on the daily communication instrument that says: Tonight at the family dinner, we can celebrate that your DD did _______________________.
This part has been great for my DS because no matter what the day is like, we always have something positive to celebrate. It also gets the teacher to focus on something positive every day about your child which can change how she thinks about your DS.

I met with the teacher after I drafted the chart and she is doing it and it is working. The first few weeks are rough, but my DS has had the last two weeks of goods and greats. My DS�s teacher is a kind and compassionate woman but she was at a loss to know what to do with DS. She said she would be willing to try anything, but we have to come up with what to try. That is why we have sought the help of an outside psych. I spoke to the psych about the behavior issues and she recommended many of the same things as suggested by Grinity and the NHA.

We also use a credit system at home where if my DS gets goods/greats, he gets 15 minutes of screen time and if he gets a great in not disobeying the teacher he gets an extra 5 points. We give screen time for other good behaviors too. We never deduct screen time but my DS does not watch TV or play videogames or games on my phone without having accumulated screen time.

Good luck. It really is not easy and dealing with people at the schools can be exhausting - hang in there.