OK! What a week!
Let me start by again expressing my sincere gratitude for your interest and concern, your thoughts/opinions/advice. I am soaking it in and am so grateful for this community! So THANK YOU!!
I think perhaps our most defining moment for this week was a visit with our DS's physician, whom we respect quite a bit. He has a history of thinking out of the box when it comes to our family, including being the gateway to find a diagnosis for my husband's rare disease, which was called "panic attacks" for twelve years. So we have built a sense of trust over the years.(It was actually anaphylaxis.He's fine, by the way.) And we also know that WE are our own strongest advocates for our own medical care. That should help in the uphill climb with being an advocate for our son, I think.
As I explained what has been going on at school to our MD, he just shook his head, and said several times, "This is ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous." He immediately started listing all of the possible explanations to these "behaviors." Each one was completely in line with what I have read on this site or through links to this site, or with what you all have shared with me. He finally said, "Your son is just BORED. That's his only problem. I've known all along that he is highly intelligent. This is no new news to me." He must have had experience with this topic before, as it sounded an awful lot like he had been reading pages from this website.
He was completely supportive, and, just for the record, performed what he called an "Asperger's Screen." He and DS, as they always do when I take him in, sat down and talked about a variety of topics from being a chef to pretending on the playground, etc. DS now says he wants to be chef when he grows up, and have a restaurant with a bowling theme. How funny is that? His specialty, he told the doctor, will be "PB & J for sure." Anyway, I feel confident that I should not worry about any type of developmental delay. Our doctor assured me he sees absolutely nothing to worry about. Quite the contrary, actually. He again stated that he has known DS was "a little genius" from the first time they met. I use that term with reservation. I feel funny even typing it or saying it. I'm just quoting the doctor. He also told me that "I take care of two other little geniuses" a few years older than DS. We discussed a few of the issues they had with schools, etc. and how becoming "labeled" is so detrimental at this age. He agreed that I should take DS out of his current program (even though his own children go to the same school and he really loves it). He agrees with me that the damage has been done in this particular environment, and that even if DS seems to bounce back and get his spark back :), that things will always be different at this particular school. He told me that some children like DS simply need a bit more structure than what a typical Montessori program has to offer, and that one of his other little patients like DS is thriving in the public school system. His parents are very involved and are constantly trying to find new ways to keep him challenged, and it's working very nicely at this point.
Our MD also agreed with the school counselor on which psychologist to use in town to test DS.
He wrapped up with our conversation by saying, "You know, sometimes teachers have such a NARROW view of the world. All they know is, (and he added a comical redneck drawl), "He just ain't like them other kids!" and they don't know what to do with him. So they start to look for a label."
So...can I just say how RELIEVED I feel?!! And how FABULOUS it is to have another professional agree with my own intuition?!! We are lucky to have such a great advocate in our family doctor.
OK. Here's our plan: focus on home schooling at least until next fall, when DS will either start kindergarten or bump up to first grade, most likely at the local public school, of which I have heard nothing but praise.
We will finish out this semester at the Montessori school, just to allow for some closure with friends/routine/calendar, etc. and to provide childcare, essentially, on the two days that I work as a physical therapist. DS will probably only attend 2 partial days a week, though, at this point. After the holidays, I will either let him go to a Mother's Day Out program at our church two days a week (just to get in some serious fun time), or we will look into a few other preschools in the area for two days a week. I work on Tuesdays and Thursdays for about 5 or 6 hours. Our daughter, who is only 8 months, goes to Mothers Day Out. It is a wonderful little program and I think DS would have a lot of fun. If our budget can handle it, I will leave my job and Monday through Friday can focus at least a few hours a day on home schooling.
We have already started doing "lessons" at home and he absolutely loves it. He is putting a star on the calendar for each lesson he completes. When he gets 50 stars, we are headed to Target for a $10.00 toy. I thought this might spark a little interest and help make learning a little more fun, since he has been so withdrawn lately. So far it seems to be working beautifully. He initiates the process himself without me having to say, "it's time for a lesson!" He seems joyful, confident, and generally just happy to be doing his little workbooks. And, of course, our entire day is essentially home schooling. We learned about tools/batteries/electricity flow this morning when he helped me change the batteries in his baby sister's play aquarium. And we used measuring cups to fix a recipe in the kitchen. We talked about outer space when he asked, "Does outer space have a sky?" He seems really concerned about how his sister got into my tummy in the first place, also. He keeps saying, "Well, was she in there when you were a little girl and then she just grew bigger? Because if she wasn't in there before, and then she was, how did she get there?" My answer of "God put her there and helped her grow" just isn't cutting it.
The same holds true for the tooth fairy. He keeps saying, "I just don't think that a tooth fairy lives on this earth."
How are you all answering these tough questions? How much is too much information for a four year old?
And now for a HUGE change in our family: even my husband's mother now is convinced that Jonathan needs to be home schooled. I cannot even TELL you how big this is!! She has been trying to talk me out of it for several years now. I have only brought it up occasionally, but she has made her opinion very clear. So has my husband's sister. My husband's family is well-educated and well meaning, but they are a bit old fashioned at times. So I am really thrilled that now they are seeing things a little differently. Not that I would let their opinion persuade me one way or the other. Let me be clear on that.
My husband and I are a united front when it comes to raising our children. But it is really nice to have their support in big issues such as this.
Our next step is to pursue testing. I appreciate your advice to wait a few months and do some home schooling first. I think that's a great idea. I'm not really sure where his true abilities are since he has not been very active in his school lessons lately.
Then we will just take one week at a time until Christmas, and spend as little time as possible at school. I feel so relieved to have made the decision to pull him out. I know it is the right thing for our family. And I've already spoken with the business office to ensure that we can get a refund for next semester.
I'm really leaning towards the public school system in our community. I don't know yet if we will push for him to start first grade. A lot of it will depend on testing results, I suppose. Even if he has to go through kindergarten first, I think it will be worth trying. The system gets the highest rating available year after year. And friends who have their little ones there are pleased. Plus, the counselor gave me the name of the GT director for the school system. I will contact her and get some more information, as well. I honestly don't even think that the local private schools would have as much to offer as public system.
I'm really just feeling better about so many things.
I am grateful that all of this has happened. It has been a huge wake-up call for DS's dad and I. We have been floating along for several years now not really having to deal with any issues of a gifted child, except feeling quite proud when others remark, "HOW old is your son?!!" as he was reading a sign or a book or something at age 2 or 3. (I think we would all admit that is kind of fun, isn't it?) This series of recent events has forced us to realize that we can't just float along any more. Hopefully, things ahead will be smooth. But I know now a little more about what to expect. And I am so grateful to have all of these wonderful resources at my fingertips! I had no idea there was so much information available to help us parent him.
So again, thank you to all who have responded! Your continued comments are always welcome!
Warmest regards,
Allison
