Please help! Any advice is welcome!
We believe our 4-yr. old son may be exceptionally gifted, very likely between Ruf's Level Four and Five.
He is enrolled in his second year of Pre-K at a Montessori school, which we chose because it seemed to be the only one in our city capable of keeping him interested. He has done what most, if not all, of your children probably have experienced. He was reading at two, and colors/shapes/numbers were mastered at age one. He is very social, has a huge and appropriate vocabulary, etc. He is what anyone would consider a charming and bright child. We probably should have listened when several people assured us he was "different."
Now, after a conference with his teacher today, I believe the behavior problems are beginning. He seems uninterested, easily distracted, doesn't want to do something because it's "too hard" (activities which should be very easy for him), and his behavior is to the point that it may become a significant disruption for the other children. Just as Ruf's article describes, that "spark" seems to be missing from school-related experiences.
His teacher has even suggested that we pay close attention to the fact that he "plays" or interacts with his friends only about 50 percent of the time, and the other 50 percent chooses to play alone. She is almost suggestive that his early reading skills, happiness in playing alone, lack of focus, or extensive, but temporary, focus on certain topics could be related to a disorder, albeit very mild, such as Asberger's.
I've been reading everything I can tonight about Asberger's and have quickly concluded this is NOT what we are dealing with.
Rather, I'm going back in my mind to our first visit with our local family doctor, for whom I have a lot of respect, who tried to convince me over a year or two ago that my son is a "genius." I also have an acquaintance who did the same, after almost obsessing over my two year old at a party. She told me that she had never met another child like her own until she met my son. (Her son is now 26. He finished college at 16, has an incredibly high IQ, etc. You can get the picture.) She was fascinated, and called me the next day, after staying up all night trying to get me some names of who to contact in our area.
I sort of believed them, but just thought that we have a "bright" child. The teacher at our Montessori school has played a large part in this - I do not feel that she believes me when I tell her that Jonathan may be gifted at this level. I am quite reserved with her when we discuss this, because I don't want to come across as a "bragging" parent. But I just don't get the feeling that she believes me. Which almost seems unfair on my part, because she is an intelligent, loving, and interested teacher. She told me she tries to get Jonathan interested in more challenging activities. Even then, something just isn't clicking. Now I'm wondering...the whole concept of Montessori is for children to stay in the same class/same teacher for 3 years. Is it possible he's already bored with the same "routines," even though he is doing different work every day? Perhaps this is just the opposite of what he needs? Any input/opinions about Montessori are welcome.
Today has really changed my perception of what these two were trying to tell us.
I have been soaking up everything I can from this website, and I have been reading as much as I can from other sources you have links to. My son, Jonathan, fits the descriptions quite well. It is all starting to make sense now. Perhaps these two people who have met Jonathan are correct. It is just all coming together now. I almost got chills when I read the Levels described in Ruf's article. My son just had a conversation with me today about the tooth fairy (he was showing me a wiggly tooth). It was clear to me that he was questioning her existence. "Mommy, I don't think that a tooth fairy really lives on this earth." I struggled with how to respond. I have a desires to offer a "normal" four-year old world response,yet I knew what he was trying to tell me. He also seemed rather perplexed all through the holiday season about how Santa actually gets into our house, where he lives, and just how the whole thing works. Again, it was clear to me, and somewhat uncomfortable, because I wasn't sure how to respond, that he was questioning whether or not Santa was real. He was 3 at the time. He is now 4. It never even dawned on me that even these types of conversations would point to giftedness. He fits almost every descriptor she lists in Level Four.
Can you tell I'm sort of freaking out here?!!
I'm just realizing what may potentially lie ahead. I'm also thinking that I need to act quickly, so that I can get him plugged in to an appropriate program, whether it is home schooling or something else. My maternal instincts have been telling me since he went back to school in late August that something is amiss. I just haven't been able to put my finger on it. He is a happy, confident, joyful child at home. But I can tell when I pick him up from school that something just isn't quite right. It's not like there have been any specific, significant events/outbursts/behaviors. He still goes about his day and participates. He just doesn't seem interested at all anymore, and needs a lot of encouragement to do his "works." I can just tell that he is not happy or stressed or frustrated. Or maybe just BORED. And then reading Ruf's articles just absolutely has changed my entire perception of what is happening in his little mind. I suddenly feel like I need to pull him out of the Montessori school and begin home schooling. I have felt this for the past two months, but I haven't been able to explain it. Just instinct, I suppose. He is a happy, well adjusted child. But he is unhappy at school. It hasn't made sense until now.Sorry. I know I'm rambling. I'm just trying to process it all.
What do I do next?!!
I'm already thinking I should definitely have him tested. Where do I begin? Who can I trust? Which tests are valid at this age? That's why we didn't have him tested two years ago-everything I read suggested that it was too early. Now I almost feel panicked that we have this small window to keep him engaged in the desire to continue learning. My instant reaction is to start the process to try and skip kindergarten and get him into first grade. I've heard that our local school, which consistently receives exemplary ratings, has a good "gifted" program. Who knows if that is really true or not.
I'm just feeling completely overwhelmed, and realizing that my "bright" child is much more than "bright." And I don't want to fail him.
I respectfully request any sound advice you'd like to offer. I'm so thankful for the information I've already discovered on this site.
Thank you in advance,
Allison (Jonathan's mom)
