We've done the commute. We drove an hour (sometimes more in traffic) each way to school last year and part of this year for our gifted school that was phenomenal last year and downright destructive this year. My son was 4 turning 5 when last year started and we did 3 days of commuting and this year he was 6 turning 7 and it was 5 days. He loved the books on CD we listened to. We both enjoyed the special time we had to chat alone on those drives. He shared all about everything he thought. That was a great addition in our lives.
We had to shape our life around school. I would try to make plans in the area to drive less as well as volunteer (a lot!) which was great for knowing the school, the kids, and the other parents. Our extracurriculars diminished or shifted to things at or around the school. But that was okay because school was giving him so much that he didn't need those other things like he had.
I worried about friends living too far away to ever have playdates or do birthday parties but that actually ended up being a non-issue. We became incredibly close with several families and even after leaving the school mid-yr we are still staying in close touch with these friends and continuing to plan playdates.
Biggest issues for us were needing a parent basically living out of the car going back and forth and our son needing to arrive early so he could RUN and play before sitting at school. Winter is the hardest when we left in the dark and drove home in the dark. It was exhausting but completely worth it when we saw him thriving and completely masochistic when school became torture. If this year had been like last, I would have gladly continued to make that drive until he aged out just to get what he needed and see him so happy.
Best wishes on your decisions. You have more experience than I but dealing in least worst options for your child is so gut wrenching and exhausting. I hope you will find answers and peace with the decisions you make.
