I want to give you a great pep talk so you feel better! But I am not sure which one you want or need.
It sounds like you are sort of stepping back and assessing where you are, and feeling wiped out.
My best BTDT experience:
1. Don't stay up at night reading about scary options. Take a break some day and go to a coffee shop and read it in daylight. Get enough sleep and take care of yourself.
2. Keep your relationship with your partner (if you have one) and other children (if you have them). Battles with a school can be so exhausting. Take care of the whole family, not just the problem. This is REALLY hard to do in reality. Sometimes it just means stopping and listening attentively to someone else tell you something they are excited about. Maybe you already do this--I find it a real challenge in hard times.
3. Do you want to consider homeschooling again? In the fall you discussed this option: "somehow convince the district to provide spec ed services while I homeschool/unschool the giftedness"(
http://giftedissues.davidsongifted.org/BB/ubbthreads.php/topics/137715/2E_Schools.html) I have certainly missed many conversations, so maybe you've decided a to leave this option aside. But given your extreme attempts, I wonder whether just keeping her home and getting the 8-year-old version of that little Tigger back would be golden right now. We got our child back after removing him from school.
4. Trust your gut and self. You know what your child needs, so don't hesitate or feel stupid about going for it. Don't undermine yourself. Trust yourself. Be nice to yourself:)
