But... I'm not gifted. I'm also obviously not outside of some sort of "optimal range" for fitting in. So I don't have a "reason" for all the years of agonizing over not fitting in, or having issues at school, or even for my inability now to choose just one interest to focus on.
I have no "excuse" for my intensity. I'm just "too much" and have a hard time finding friends. I only have a handful, and they are scattered around the country because I moved a lot after high school.
We need some more smilies here! I'm looking for a hug one and it is not to be found.
My initial thought is two fold:
1) what test did you take that says you're not gifted? My mother, a few years back, gave me my old school records and I came across two pieces of paper with various test scores on them but which didn't indicate the test name or anything else specific. They were old dot matrix print outs from some school computer presumably. One, at the top above the achievement test scores, had one line that said "cognitive ability" or something like that and put me in the mid 80s. Another, a few years later looked like basically the same thing and had my "cognitive ability" in the 99th. I've taken an IQ test twice in my life and both times it was close to the second assessment not the first. Point being, if it was one of those group tests that many of us bemoan, who knows how accurate it was for you and;
2) scores are not set in stone. As has often been said here, it is a picture of one day. Can we really distinguish btwn two points difference? It's splitting hairs at that point. If you were very young, those scores are also not supremely stable.
Another thing to consider is were you in the 94th rather than the 95th or the 98th rather than the 99th? That also might make a difference. How high was the bar?
In re to the "optimal range," I'm not sure that it can be quantified by sheer #s. I'm someone, if I go off of the greater bunch of the data not that one group test from my early elementary years, who is right at the 99th point but really not above it. I've got a few tests that put me a hair higher and a few that put me a bit lower, but I'm not a DYS kid type of person. My dd12 is also probably right around the same spot. We're avg Mensa eligible material which doesn't seem that far out honestly.
None the less, other things come into play in terms of alienation in life. What does your community look like? If you've lived in places that mirror the avg of the nation, you're still trying to find that one person in 50 or 100 who is like you. That is harder than it is for most people. Personality matters too (I'm not suggesting that you have a bad one
.) I suspect that my dd12 finds herself fitting better with the further out there people b/c of her personal drive and direction in life. It makes her appear even more gifted than she probably is.
I, like you, find that my # of friends is limited. On my end, we moved a lot too but I'm sure that isn't all of it. Lonely is a hard place to be, though. FWIW, I have really enjoyed the people I've met through my local Mensa group but I'm sure that it varies from place to place.
