I'd also like to add, that if your daughter is anything like mine, she was an "emotional barometer" of me. If I was angry, or tense or snappish, or sad, or happy, so was she.
I can tell you, having my own sensitivities triggered by her high pitched meltdowns and angry outbursts, I found it incredibly hard to deal with her. And so did my husband. We all slipped down a downward spiral of anger and frustration. It was up to me and dh to work on our responses to dds meltdowns/tantrums while we helped her not have so many of them.
The Explosive Child book also helps to remind us that we parents need to intervene before the frustrations are high. It's easier to manage everyone's emotions when they are small.
Another good book for understanding the value of emotion coaching is Kids, Parents And Power Struggles by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka.
I think, the more we can teach our children about emotions and what they CAN do when they are angry/frustrated when they aren't in the midst of frustration and stress, the better they are able to make good choices when they are feeling badly.
Most traditional behavioral extinction techniques (ie Time Out, Spanking, etc) address the issue too late. It's important to teach the kids who don't intuitively understand how to manage themselves.
You know the old adage - give a man a fish, feed him for a day...Teach a man to fish, feed him for a lifetime.
Last edited by Sciencemama; 09/16/09 08:24 AM.
